I believe the freewriters community provides a platform where I may express my feelings through written words. Because I've failed badly in my attempts to persuade my family and friends of this fact. Allow me to express my grief to you all. Please correct me if I'm mistaken on how to post in this community.
It seems like everyone I see is laughing at me every time I go out. I noticed a swarm of eyeballs focusing on it. I looked around and saw a swarm of laughing eyes at me. When I'm with a special someone, my anxiety level climbs. Allow me to give you an illustration. Consider the following scenario: I went out with someone special. We were about to sit down to dinner. And I immediately begin to think about other people. Everywhere I look, there are people on my right side, people on my left side, and there are people everywhere. And I had the distinct impression that everyone was staring at me. But here's the thing: I'm not very concerned about my own well-being. I'm more concerned with the individual who is sitting next to me. I have the impression that people are laughing. And I immediately assumed that it was because of my actions. People were giggling because they recognized me with that individual.
As a result, that individual is receiving unwanted attention because my actions. That's one of the things that makes me feel so down. I've always been opposed to being in the spotlight. In my entire life, I have never desired any kind of attention. And it's a grief that I'm putting up with for an extended period of time.
That's how I've lost a lot of friends over the years. In fact, I'm on the verge of losing all of my pals. I spend the majority of my time in my room. Thinking about myself, I'm thinking about how I'm ruining the reputation of my family by accomplishing absolutely nothing. They are expecting me to provide a service for them. They see me working hard for a job that pays well. And why aren't they doing so? They threw a colossal sum of money at my education purpose. However, they are unaware that I have attempted but failed. I've tried, but failed badly, in everything from school to obtaining a job to being a decent friend and so on. I've tried everything and failed miserably.
According to my observations, the most outgoing individuals are the happiest individuals on the planet. They can cry at any time they wish. They are able to express their feelings. But I'm not able to. I'm unable to leave the house. And my close friends and family don't comprehend that I have a mental condition. Perhaps it is an illness as well. They, on the other hand, believe I do it on purpose. It's not something I do on purpose. I'm suffering from social anxiety disorder.