‘Life is like a game of chess, you must think first before you move.’
Why Understand Manipulation?
You need to understand manipulation. This series is not here to tell you how to be evil or how to bend people. This series is here to guard you against those who seek to use manipulation against you. Throughout this series we will explore the many aspects of manipulation. We will search the methods and modes of manipulating minds. We will look at some of the most successful manipulators in history and some of the many manipulating institutions that they are members of. By the end of this series you will be able to use the many methods, theories and modes of manipulation to succeed in your life and achieve your goals.
This is not about manipulating people per se. This is not about destroying people’s lives or deceiving and lying to innocents. This is about controlling your life. This is about controlling your environment and your surroundings. What will be made evident is that your environment predominantly consists of other people, and the outcomes of events in your life is dictated by your relationships with them.
You now have a choice. Take control of your life and your relationships or let them take control of you.
So, what will you choose?
To begin, we will lay the foundations of manipulation. We will create a mode of being that is required for this course. The basic tenants of manipulation will be developed, and by the end of part one you will have adopted the frame of mind to become a successful manipulator.
What is Manipulation?
To manipulate means simply to handle or control in a skilful manner. We will be looking at this definition associated toward handling and controlling relationships with people. This means looking at the themes of manipulation in your personal life and at work. We want to be able to handle and control the relationships with people in our lives in a skilful manner that will provide us with the results that we want.
The game of manipulation is called politics. Harnessing the power of manipulation will help you play the politics at work and in life. This could be the difference between you being the boss or being bossed. This could be the difference between earning $50,000 a year or $200,000+. This could be the difference between having stable relationships in your life and unstable relationships. The love of your dreams or the marriage of nightmares. The friends that will fight for you and those that will flight from you.
Take the example of Alice and Bob. Alice is a manager, she has friends that defend her till the death, she has a loving relationship and is financially secure. Her anxiety is low, and she wakes up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the new day ahead. On the other hand, Bob is bossed around all day at work. His friends criticise and ridicule him behind his back. At times he feels as though he is alone in the world, and ultimately that is because he is but hasn’t succumbed to the reality of his situation. He is impulsive, and because of this his financial situation is in turmoil. He has left nothing for the future. Every morning he hits the snooze button on his alarm, in the hopes that he can get a few more minutes rest before dealing with the constant bombardment of problems and drama that always come his way. The difference here is that Alice is in control of her life - her life that consists of relationships. Alice is in control of her relationships. Her relationships with her boss, her lover, her family and her friends. The truth here is that Alice is a master manipulator, and probably a natural. She plays to her strengths, knows her weaknesses and evaluates both of those when dealing with the actors around her.
But how does Alice do this? Well, in her situation, she understands what people want and what she can give them. Her boss is an elderly controlling type. She disagrees with most of the decisions that her boss makes. But she knows that in making her objections heard the boss would see her as silly, unsupportive and insubordinate. Instead she takes note of every word, and always makes sure she points out the positives in the plan. She makes her boss feel like the boss. As a result, she was promptly promoted. Bob on the other hand, hates every decision that his boss makes, and he can’t help himself but take every cue to ridicule the decisions to all the employees. Of course, there is more to this, and we will dive into the details later. But what is important to note is that Alice is calculated whilst Bob instead is impulsive and has no plan.
We are all actors and actresses in a mad play, it is now time to write the ending that you always wanted.
Take control of your life. Don’t be Bob. Learn to play the game. Learn to take control. Learn to manipulate.
The Manipulators Code of Conduct.
It is important the we develop some rules about the knowledge that you will learn in this series.
By continuing through these passages, you agree to adhere by the following rules of engagement.
- You will never use these incredible insights to harm others.
- You will not use these techniques to promote negativity in the world.
- You will use these techniques for the forces of good.
- You will take responsibility for your actions.
Lesson 1
Stop Letting Your Emotions Get in the Way
‘The mind without emotion is an impregnable fortress’ – Marcus Aurelius
Emotions can be funny things at times. They are ingrained in us and are for some impossible to control. Emotions create problems for us in modern society. They are reactive and impulsive by nature. They are designed to protect us in the reactionary wilderness that our ancestors triumphed. Modern man has created his home and hallmark on the world by transcending beyond these primitive tools. Modern man instead equips his tool of reason, that is constantly at odds with his emotions.
The easiest person to manipulate has a mind overwhelmed by emotions. They are scared and reactive just like an animal. They are predictable as they bite on every emotional impulse that comes their way. They are easily controlled or disposed. In the context of manipulation, emotions are for animals. Emotions are not calculated, emotional people do not get what they want, instead they give the manipulator what they want.
Could you imagine a surgeon conducting their job overwhelmed with emotion? You can’t. And surely any rational person would not elect to have their life saved by an overemotional surgeon. We understand this because a surgeon has an incredibly important task at hand. They need to keep their nerves still. They need to stay in the moment. They need to execute a complicated plan. They need to stay alert. And most importantly they have a never-ending almost impossible task of saving an infinite amount of lives over the course of their career. If they are emotional people die. In an almost oxymoronic way their emotional compassion for those that they serve tells them that they must rid themselves of these reactions to save human lives.
For this course, you will need to take the mind of a surgeon. You need to be serious about what you want to achieve, and you need to understand that being emotional will not help you achieve it. The patient’s life at stake is yours, treat it seriously and surgically heal it accordingly.
Always Have A Plan
“Every battle is won before it’s ever fought.” – Sun Tzu
You always need to have a thorough plan. To have a plan first you must have a goal. Ask yourself, ‘what am I trying to achieve?’ Don’t be shy about your ambitions and don’t drown your mind with pessimism, nor overwhelm it with unrealistic optimism. The best plan is a long plan. Create a plan for life. Create a plan for 6-months, 1-year, 3-years, 5-years, 10-years and beyond. Understand that plans may change, but also understand that plans shouldn’t change but often do.
A good plan comprises of the overarching strategy, which is the long-term method and steps to reaching the goal. They also include the tactics that are used to deal with momentary and unexpected situations. Good plans know how to deal with the unexpected, which is primarily the job of the tactics.
In planning for the future, you will feel empowered. When you feel anxiety then it is likely that you don’t have a plan or that your plan is not sufficient. In this situation revaluate your plan and try to spot the weakness that is making you uneasy. In doing this you should reinforce the strength of your plan and the anxiety will ease.
So, stop what you are doing right now. Get out a pen and paper and write down a basic plan. Start with your goals that you want to achieve and then put a rough time-frame on them. This might take time, but don’t worry, this is the plan for your life, it needs time. Remember, be long-term, the longer the better.
Understanding Communication Channels
‘Man is by nature a social animal’ - Aristotle
Humans are social beings. We talk, we discuss, we argue, we laugh, and we gossip. Understand that in almost every workplace today the main task at hand is communication. Even when we don’t work we communicate and our task is constantly relaying messages back and forth. For every effort exerted in a productive action at least twice the effort was expended in communicating that action. For example, the miner takes minerals out of the ground. For that action to be completed, at least twice the effort was and will be produced to direct, convince, persuade and coordinate the proper actors to ensure that the action eventuates. Think of the marketing, price negotiation, the employing, the disposing and the directing to name a few that went into ensuring that the minerals were taken from the ground. Understand how important communication is and how it translates into physical action and change in the world.
Dr. Jordan Peterson estimates that the average person will have a network of influence numbering in the millions throughout their lifetime. His emphasis on this fact is to point out that you are not as insignificant as you think you are. The things you say, the people you speak with and the words that come out of your mouth effect the world more than you appreciate.
The Battle Map
What we will be doing now is mapping out your communication channels. You can do this for your entire life, but it might be better to create separate ones for the workplace, friendships, families or maybe your entire social life. Segment the channels as you feel fit and tailor them to a degree where you are comfortable and familiar with them. This will be your battle map.
An Exercise:
- Get a blank piece of paper.
- Write your name in the centre.
- Write the names of your closest family, friends and co-workers.
- Write the closest persons to your family, friends and co-workers.
- Join each of the connections in your network with lines if they communicate with each other. Use colours to denote the strength of that communication. That is, your channel, strong channels, weak channels and negative channels. A strong channel indicates that the two communicate on an often and open level and have a positive relationship together. A weak one would indicate the opposite, closed communication and not very often. A negative channel indicates that the relationship is not on good terms, and usually the communication is negative and untrustworthy.
- Put a number between one to ten of all the relationships in your network. One being a very bad relationship (the two hate each other and are not on talking terms) and ten being a very good relationship (the two love each other and are extremely open in talking to each other).
EXAMPLE:
Notice in the example with Alice, we have positioned her relationships closer and further away based on the numerical strength. For her, we have included both her personal and work relationships as they crossover in her network.
Bob is Alice’s lover and long-time partner. For this reason, we have ranked their relationship with a perfect score of 10. They are completely open with each other and share everything. Their relationship is healthy, and they trust each other with their most personal secrets.
Olivia is Alice’s sister. They have a very good relationship that persists despite the major drama and fights that they get into at times. Although Olivia is extremely trustworthy she often discusses information passed between them with her boyfriend Charlie. Olivia receives a high-score of 9, with the 1-point deduction representing the lack of secrecy in their relationship.
The worst score on Alice’s battle map is with Nicole, with a terrible score of 3. This indicates that they have an amiable relationship that persists only because Alice and Nicole realise that they must work together. The problem with their relationship is that Nicole in the past has twisted what Alice has said and done in ways that comeback to damage her in performance reviews and rapport with her co-workers. Alice tries not to communicate with Nicole and has realised that the hostility is recognised and reciprocated.
Notice that there are two highly influential people in Alice’s network, Madison and Olivia. Alice needs to prioritise these people in her life. The chances are that she already does this. Alice has befriended Kyle and Peter through Madison. If Alice damages the relationship with these people, she will severely hurt her network and her reputation.
Luke is Alice’s manager. She knows Luke, but their relationship is purely work focused. Their relationship is ranked at a 5. It is recommended that you start all relationships on 5, and it is essentially the null ranking. Notice that Alice doesn’t need to worry too much about her bad relationship with Nicole effecting her relationship with Luke. She would only need to worry about her relationships with Jack, Harry and Irene, as they have good relationships with Luke and good relationships with Nicole. The easiest pathway to a better referral would most likely be through Irene, as they have a good relationship together and Irene has a good relationship with Luke.
This exercise might take you a while, but it will paint the basic landscape of your network. Be honest in your evaluations of others. Perhaps you are not as close with one friend than you are with the other? Does this disturb you and make you uneasy? Surely lying about it will not help and perhaps this will hurt you in the future if it hasn’t already. Be honest about your evaluations.
With your goals and motivations in mind, think about what each person could give you. Don’t forget to think about the things that they could give you that you might not even want. Next, consider who are the enemies. That is, the people who are actively trying to work against your agenda, those that can or will inhibit the ability for you to achieve your goals. Now consider the VIPs, the people who you need on your side and have the sway to elevate you toward your goals. A good example of this might be your boss or your supervisor, or perhaps the best-friend of your lover.
Make sure you take your time with your battle map. Add as much detail as you deem necessary and tailor it to your situation and your needs. Keep in mind that you are creating this for your eyes only. Create it to a point in which you are comfortable. This exercise is designed to get you aware of your surroundings, to think about it in a pragmatic and visual way the likes of which you have never considered it before.
Congratulations, now you have a full battle map. Study this. Notice how all the cogs come to together to give you the frontage that is your relationships, your life. What’s most important here is to study the relationships between the agents in your life, don’t worry too much about your relationships with them, intuitively you should know this well already.
Test the communication channel that you have developed. Try sending information across the channel and see if it comes back to you. If it does, then you know that you have calculated the channel correctly. To do this bait the hook. Create a piece of information that is interesting, engaging but somewhat trivial, as to not cause a stir. Remember that this is just to test your framework to ensure that it is correct. Try telling your co-worker about an interesting event or story or happening in your life and see if it is then bought up to you by another co-worker. When this happens, you’ll know that you have tuned that channel correctly.
Keep your battle map safe. Do not show this or discuss this with anyone. This will become the most important reference point for you throughout this series. Having this secret exposed could jeopardise your plans. Remember, the costliest mistake in manipulation is a discovered attack.
You have now completed the first building block to becoming a master manipulator. You now understanding the importance of manipulation to us as social beings and how it can help you take control of your life. However, the main focal point of part one was to develop the frame of mind for success. You will now partake in life not as a helpless victim at the peril of every emotion and impulse, but instead as a careful surgeon operating a complicated plan to achieve incredible outcomes. You now have goals and with goals a plan, and with that a conviction in the direction that you want to move. Lastly, your battle map will be your visual guide to this series, and it should have enlightened you to your social surroundings already.
In part two we will look deeper into you from the perspective of others and also search deeper into the pragmatic meaning of emotions.
To unlock more secrets and the power of manipulation, upvote this post and follow this page. Refusing to do so will only result in your own manipulation.