That is what I heard last night from my Little Pumpkin. With tears flowing from her eyes, she explained to me that "showers were a waste of time."

Her logic is as follows:

• I don't want to go outside and play, because then I get sweaty.
• If I am sweaty then I have to take a bath or shower.
• And while I am bathing, I can't be anything that is fun.

The heart and head have a funny relationship. The heart processes emotions and the head processes facts, and there are countless times in our lives when those two worlds collide, and the result is a chaotic mess.

source

Don't Listen To What I Say. Know What I Mean!

When my kiddos get emotional, I sometimes catch myself grinning ear to ear. Their thoughts about this world bring a smile to my face. For them, the matter at hand is life changing. For me, I see this as another small step in their journey.

When we communicate with other people, we need to be mindful not only of what the person is saying but also what the person is trying to communicate.

Little Pumpkin said that she did not want to play outside (something she has always enjoyed) because she would have to take a bath (something she has always enjoyed) which prevents her from playing with her sisters (something she has always enjoyed).

At face value, we have a win-win situation. If the weather is nice, go play outside. If the weather is not nice, stay inside and play. And when appropriate, take a bath. At face value, this is a simple matter, but there is a lot happening under the surface.

What I have learned as a father is that my kiddos (and most adults for that matter) either don't have the ability to express their deepest thoughts and emotions or have not spent enough time practicing that skill.

How Can We Listen For More Than Just Words?

Here are a few thoughts about how to communicate well:

1. Realize that every word is communicated in context. If you understand the context, then you will be able to understand the intended message.
2. Stop formatting a response while the person is speaking. Spend more time on focused listening and less time on responding. You miss out on the context when you stop listening.
3. Be engaged in the conversation. Show the listener that you are engaged with verbal cues and appropriate body language.
4. Ask questions. If you don't understand, ask questions. And then learn the art of asking questions to help draw information out of the speaker.
5. Seek not only to be understood but also to understand. Good communication often starts with the proper mindset.

Final Thoughts

Little Pumpkin is struggling with a lot of things right now. She is dealing with the changes of our recent move. She is missing Indonesia and her happy childhood memories. So it is hard for her to see how great her life is.

I can't prevent life from happening, but I can help her learn how to deal with the changes and make the most of the challenges she will face. But while I am listening to her words, I also need to be searching for the message she is trying to give me.

1. Do you know someone who does not like to bathe?
2. Have you ever had difficulty communicating withing someone else?
3. What is your biggest challenge while listening to another person speak? Distractions, boredom, thinking​ of a response, etc.

Thanks for stopping by! I look forward to hearing from you.

@SumatraNate

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