The window was open, a light breeze blew in, fresh with the smell of spring, the sun spilled through the window and onto the floor, warming the grey rug. The tips of her toes just touched by the light. She could feel the warmth it brought and noticed for the briefest moment, her thoughts shift.
It had been a long time by her reckoning that this had happened she didn't even know when was the last time she had blinked. Should you know that, is that something one should realize or is it so automatic that it should pass unnoticed. She tested her blink to see if her eyelids still worked. They did, but it was gritty, like a rusty gate grinding on its hinges slowly in the wind.
She looked at her toes half buried in the long pile of the carpet and moved them out of the sunlight, warmth did not feel correct at this point, nothing seemed correct. Her entire body felt like it had been crushed, turned through a mangle and left in the sun to dry, much like the carpet had been not two weeks earlier.
There had been laughter then, water splashing and clothes soaked through to the skin. It was the first really warm day of the year and they had taken advantage of it and washed the carpets. They decided to make it a yearly family tradition, on the first warm day of the year, just the three of them.
Warmth flooded into her toes again, the sun had moved, or had she? How long had she been sitting there she wondered as she lifted her head from her knees. As she moved, the tension in her neck pulled tight and a twinge ran down her spine. Leaning against the wall was not helping but she didn't feel like being comfortable anyway.
A sigh escaped her body and muscles relaxed enough for a look around. The room was bright, white walls and furniture with dusty pinks spotted around. A splash of color, feminine but fun enough for a little girl to enjoy. They had thought it through and had chosen fabric - stars and clouds. Something to reach for, and the things that would obscure the view of possibility was the idea.
They had spent many hours discussing children, many times well before she was even on the way. They had just met and the topic had come up, he had said that it would be their daughter that saves the world, we have to teach her well, we have to support her, be there for her and demonstrate strength. An idealistic view, one where the future was uncertain and filled with hope. An unknown lie.
The breeze blew again and the net above the crib shifted and billowed away from the bars giving the appearance it was growing as she watched, filling like a hot air balloon preparing to fly. The breeze died away and the net crashed silently back to earth and lay still once more.
She had cleaned the room before she had sat down, what else was there to do? Her doll had laid on the floor, tucked under a little blanket specially made by her grandma, the tiny matching pillow under the head. She had put her to sleep, before going herself.
The room was already neat but she had slowly straightened the books, silently pressing them together and reading the spines. Small sparks of emotion, a tightening of the chest as the names of her favorite came into view, the ones that she loves to hear read in funny voices at night. Where were those voices now, she wondered.
The sun had shifted again, the light that filtered through the blinds had moved up the wall, the shadows cast lengthened. From this low position, the position of a child, the room was sweet, nothing to fear in here. Slowly she rolled and placed a hand on the floor, she must move she concluded, there is nothing more I can do but go on.
She pressed up and too many of her joints cracked as if they hadn't moved in years. Was it the noise from her bones or just a coincidence but sound started in her ears. For a brief moment, her mind shifted again to call out but she caught her words before they escaped.
Walking to the crib she lowered her arms down and picked her up and held her close. She was not quite awake yet, not quite aware, but soon she would be. She squeezed her gently and whispered into her ear, 'No matter what he did, your daddy loved you with all his heart'.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
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