As i look back on my journey as a pharmacist,i am reminded of the serious effects of self doub,despite my academic achievements and professional training,i struggled with feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty,my experiences with self doubt not only affected my confidence but also influenced my career path.
I always thought after graduation i would land a government job at a hospital so i won't have to deal with too much interactions on a daily basis, except already planned schedule from patients and prescription to be vetted, why i preferred hospital practice from community practice is because you get to interact more with people on a daily at a community setting than a hospital.
During my university days, i was an average student, earning grades just to take me to the next level, and i hardly participated in social gathering set by my class mate even if we hardly get to set one, all this happens due to the fact that i struggled with self doubt and low self esteem.
I would often question my abilities, wondering if I was truly cut out for a career in pharmacy, there was a time i almost switched departments to medical laboratory science because i felt i wasn't good enough for pharmacy,i would compare myself to my peers,feeling like i wasn't measuring up, these negative thoughts and feelings of inadequacy continued, making it difficult for me to fully enjoy my academic successes, even school life in general.
As i went further into my professional career as a pharmacist,my self doubt continued,interacting with patients and providing counsel on their medications filled me with anxiety,i would rather pack their medications and give it to another of my colleague to counsel the patient,i would worry that i was not providing accurate information or that i was missing critical details and just be there dwelling on potential mistakes.
Despite my best efforts,self doubt continued to trouble me,i began to feel like i was not living up to my full potential as a pharmacist,i felt like i was just going through the motions, rather than truly making a positive impact on my patients lives,of which was one of the reasons why i decided to study pharmacy in the first place.
It was after my mandatory service year Nysc which i did at a hospital,i realised that am about to step into the real workforce where i have to work my way to get a job.
I immediately started working at a retail pharmacy as a superintendent which is like an overseer of a premises, i felt like i couldn't handle the pressures of retail pharmacy where patient interactions and serious decisions were a daily reality
It was during this time that i made the difficult decision to leave retail pharmacy to wholesale pharmacy because i felt like it was necessary for my own well being.
By moving into wholesale pharmacy,i felt like i was taking a step back from the frontlines, where i could focus on behind the scenes work and rebuild my confidence and this is so, because we don't interact with patients but dispense medications to other health care workers.
It was not too long as i settled into my new role, i began to realize that self doubt was still troubling me, i would worry that i was not making a meaningful contribution to the company or that i was not living up to expectations.
It was when i began to open up to my colleagues and mentors about my struggles with self doubt that i started to feel a sense of liberation, they shared their own experiences with self doubt, and i realized that i was not alone. They offered words of encouragement and support, reminding me of my strengths and accomplishments and how they are proud of me not giving up on my dreams despite the challenges that accompanies self doubt
You would be wondering what these challenges are, am telling they are many including insult you will receive on a daily basis from patients and their relatives, and also senior colleagues that does not put the mental health of their young colleagues in mind, by spewing out words that will not only degrade them but reduce their self worth and self esteem.
With time, patience, and support,
● I have slowly begun to overcome my
self doubt
● I have learned to reframe negative
thoughts and focus on my strengths
● I have come to realize that self
doubt is a normal part of growth and
development
● That self doubt does not define my
worth or abilities.
As i look back on my journey,i am reminded that self doubt is a common experience that many professionals face, it is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of humanity.
By sharing my story, i hope to inspire others to speak openly about their own struggles with self doubt, together we can work to create a more supportive and inclusive environment, where individuals feel empowered to pursue their passions and reach their full potential.
Thank you for being part of my journey
All photos are mine
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