This weekend was something I looked forward to for a month. I have had higher pain and stress levels. I had my step daughters every weekend for a month and have had 2 sessions of BioPhoton Therapy each week for a month. I was tired and sore. I just wanted to sleep in, clean my house and yard, then finally relax.
Oh it sounded dreamy to me.
Friday morning, as you might know from my last entry, I wasn't sure what I was going to do for my doctor's appointment. I knew I wasn't ready to feel bad again for the 24 hours afterwards, I wanted a minute on the weekend to feel somewhat normal and get things done. But I didn't want to be left without options. (Regardless of what I want, it's happening July 5, I'll be without a doctor, so I want to hold on to her as long as I can I guess.)
I went to work, did my best and then went off to the doctors office. Nurse Sylvia meets with me and asks me how I'm feeling. How was my week? How is my pain?
Again, I was honest. I want this to work, but I worry it can make me worse since I feel worse and can't find any research on it. I was 9/10 pain at the time, so I told her that as well. I asked if there is a chance the treatment could be making me worse. She said "sometimes yes". She thought we should stop, so she asked the doctor to come in and speak with me. I told her the same and ask the same question. Doctors response was "no, I don't think so."
She told me we won't do it Friday since my pain level was higher (I started at a 7, now my constant is an 8. Days after treatment I vary between 10-9. They've seen my chart I made) but come back Monday to continue.
I was set to have a weekend without unbearable pain levels, I was hoping. I was ready to have my ME weekend. Hubby was going fishing with a friend, I was going to have my family and a friend over for a fire. I was going to clean and garden. Relax on Sunday. Oh yes please!
Friday after getting home, I had the chance to visit a friend who was in the hospital. I am not a hospital person after all I've been through, but this girl has been like a little sister to me for almost 8 years. This was her first time staying in a hospital for a few days, so I took the chance when I could to give her company and a few good books. (She's home now and on the road to recovery).
After that, and the week or month that I had, I was ready for bed by 10 Friday night. I live large I tell ya.
Saturday morning, 6:30am rolls around and I'm up for the day. I was feeling 7/10 pain again, back down to before treatment. I was feeling good and was going to get a dent in my housework before my family comes over and so I can relax on Sunday. What a silly choice that was. Alcohol, rain and sun, mixed with bon fire and swampy yard. Cleaning beforehand was just a waste of time.
Hubby decides to go fishing Sunday instead and helps the neighbor cut down a giant tree in their yard Saturday and bring it to my back yard to burn. Would have been nice if it was broken down a little, but hey, help out the neighborhood.
So, I had a giant trees worth of limbs thrown into my backyard, on top of my hedges and hill. Everywhere. I had a challenge ahead of me if I wanted most of it gone in a decent time frame.
I was feeling lower than my normal pain levels, I had all day to consume my medicinal marijuana because I wasn't going to work, I had an option to drink with family and friends. I took it.
It's not very often that I get drunk, but I do believe I was. I am not a big drinker and have never been. But I wanted to clean up my backyard so I could relax Sunday & I was with good company.
I kept thinking about how my new doctor keeps telling me that I need to use my arm and hand more, I need to push. But then about my old Occupational Therapist explaining how when I over use my body because it finally feels good (marijuana increase), I'm going to burn out and feel it the next day and for days after.
But my new doctor wanted me to push.
So I did.
I consumed extra marijuana and broke the tree down to burnable bits for the most part with the help of others. I pushed my limits. I had a blast with friends, family, music and a fire. It was awesome.
But I am cut to crap on my bad arm and leg and holy Hannah it hurts today.
Sunday morning, I woke up at 7am. After passing out at 2am, what the eff Kristen? My house was a disaster and I felt like and looked like I was hit by something. I will never drink and go into machine mode again, that was dumb. I'm not pushing past my limitations because I will burn out. I use my arm as much as I can and I use my leg maybe more than I should.
I cleaned from 8am until 7:45pm yesterday. Tried to nap for 15 minutes somewhere in between but it didn't work. Busy brain, sore body.
Last night, I found a new hz track. 174hz, the pain relief tone, with an 11 hour loop of thunderstorms. I had the most peaceful dreams and today, regardless of how I physically feel, I am ready for a good day.
My good friend and right hand, has loaned me her laptop so I can get things done for the 2nd Annual Walk to Conquer CRPS. This week will be a productive one, much like last week. We will be having Bradley Farquhar and Jerry, the Iditarod dog, with us again this year! I will make an entry about him and his story soon, this man is amazing!
Working on a lot of things to make this year's event a success, but I need donations as well. Please donate if you can, every bit counts :)
https://www.canadahelps.org/en/pages/walk-to-conquer-crps/
I'm off to work and then more treatment. Wish me luck!
Make today a great day with positive thinking! Be kind to your mind and one another ❤️
Day 85/365
Entry 38/183
Positive thoughts,
-Kristen Sparkle
@ConquerCRPS and @HippieRaysWays on Instagram