Life has a way of teaching us valuable lessons through experience. After 20 years of marriage, I can confidently share my perspective on one of the most challenging situations couples face - long-distance relationships.
I have been married to my darling wife for over 20 years and had never spent time away from her except for 2 years when I went for my postgraduate studies. Even at that, I always ran back home at every little academic break we had, to reduce the pressure of temptation of infidelity.
Living alone all by yourself as a married man or woman in a different city or country is much different from when you are single. There is a lot of pressure you have to deal with, and it takes extra courage to come out unscratched.
Long distance marriage is negative for me and I won't advise anyone to go into such a relationship. While most would think it is good because no one would stress them, it's actually the most stressful type of relationship I can think of. The many nights of loneliness you have to deal with, the emotional and physical stress of raising children alone, the temptations of the flesh you have to endure are all just too much for my type of person.
For the two years that I was away from my wife when I was in school, I knew how it feels to be away from one's partner. Even though I was always visiting home at every school break, There were a lot of temptations to cheat that I have to deal with. At one point, I almost fell for it, except for the assuring love of my wife that keeps resounding in my heart and the fear of God as well.
Long distance relationship is a life of constant battle and torment. Anyone who claims to be enjoying it is either a cheat or has no sexual functionalities. It's tormenting!
Although most men who are in a long distance relationship got into it due to work relocation, it's advisable to do everything as a man to bring your partner to live with you where you work as soon as possible to avoid disaster.
Now, let me tell you something real. My eldest daughter turned 21 last December. Though she is still studying and pursuing a nursing degree, a young man supposedly based abroad came to visit us to announce his interest in my daughter for courtship and marriage. Being an experienced person, I promptly turned down the proposal. You cannot propose to my daughter and go back to live your life abroad with no one to tell her how you are living there.
Moreover, the intention was to marry her and leave her home by herself to stay with his mother and relatives. Just to make her baby mama and leave her to the mercies of family and relatives. How will she deal with her emotions and feelings during the time of courtship knowing that she is a young girl? I was satisfied with turning down the proposal and my daughter understood me quite well.
My judgement on long distance relationships is based on experience and not just assumptions. When I was younger I witnessed the negative effects of long distance relationships played out in real life. My girlfriend at the time lives with her elder sister whose husband was based abroad. Though they were financially buoyant, the lady was always under intense pressure from the husband's relatives. They were always dragging here, claiming she doesn't allow their brother to send them money.
Besides that, taking care of her two children wasn't an easy thing for her. When any of the children were sick there was no one to help out. In most cases, I have to be the one to help take the child to the hospital. If not that I was a discipline young man, I would have gotten down with the lady. However, after all the suffering and waiting, the husband never returned to the lady. He died abroad, and at the time they were preparing for his return. Perhaps, the girlfriend at the other side arranged his murder.
The power dynamics in long-distance relationships often become dangerously unbalanced. The partner abroad typically holds more financial power, while the one at home becomes increasingly dependent. This dependence can amount to emotional manipulation and abuse and so become dangerous to everyone involved.
If circumstance forces you to be in a long-distance relationship, set a clear timeline of reunions and stick to it. Never make temporary separation a pattern of life. Your love deserves better. Your family deserves better. You deserve better.
Keep in mind that marriage is about companionship, shared memories, and mutual growth. No career advancement or financial gain is worth sacrificing your marriage or family life for. The few success stories you hear about long-distance relationships are exceptions, not the rule. Choose wisely, and prioritize your relationship's health over temporary financial gains.