My father is dying. I have known this for a while but it is now becoming a reality.
My father is mid 70’s and has Alzheimer’s and Dementia. He has for a few months now but the rate it has progressed has surprised even the doctors.
I haven’t had a coherent conversation for a long time. This was a difficult thing our whole life so it has been difficult to tell how much was the disease and how much was his lack of focus and attention.
I have seen the disease once as a child. My grandfather had it for years and the first time he forgot my name broke my heart. I am adopted and I didn’t know my grandparents long at the time (5 years?) but they were amazing. I could tell stories that would have you in tears, they both had a personality only found in movies.
My grandfather was strong as an ox, stubborn, and independent. One day he was out mowing the lawn at 80+ years old after a quadruple bypass as he didn’t want to wait an hour. It wasn’t even his house, he rented half of it from our neighbor. He was quiet and soft spoken but was alive and vibrant if that makes any sense.
When I left for the service was when he got Alzheimer’s and when I returned to visit he didn’t recognize me for the first time.
My father’s situation is a lot different. He is more confused and out of touch than anything. He has always known who I am but might call me by a different name or call my son by a different name. It always seemed like he knew who I was though.
The last few weeks things have gone down hill tremendously. He has been falling daily for a while now, each time makes things worse.
Less than a month ago he was found by a complete stranger driving down the street. He was laid out in the middle of the road. My mother was watching tv when six fireman walk in the house carrying him. He spent a few days at the hospital as he developed a brain bleed. Luckily it seemed to be minor and was healing, so they released him.
It wasn’t long he was back in, this time because he was being abusive to my mother and ripping brand new clothes and throwing laundry at her. He has never shown aggression until now. As my mother says “he is good with everyone but her”. From what I understand this is common as the care taker always gets the brunt of it. This is the same in marriage, your spouse always gets the worst of you.
Right now I am making sure my sister in laws house doesn’t burn down because an oven and a few crock pots are on while they are at church for their first communion. When they get back I plan on leaving to go see my dad.
When I arrived here I called my mother to check in and he fell again and was about to call the fire station again. I called back and spoke with a fire fighter to ask how he is doing and there was a pause and “not good, he doesn’t want to leave the house, he is confused and frustrated”.
I friend of mine who is also a fire fighter went over to help out until I can get down there. Yesterday, the day before I though we had months maybe even years. I’m starting to think we are talking days.
I have always joked saying do not take life to seriously as you will never get our alive. I am no stranger to death, it has surrounded my life and have almost felt it’s touch more than once. To see it end like this is devastating. To see the damage done and how helpless you are is unspeakable.
We all have an expiration date, something we learn very early in life but only truly appreciate when you see death first hand and how unforgiving it can be.
I’m afraid to leave, I don’t know what to expect when I get there. Will it be tonight? Tomorrow? Will he know who I am? Will he care? Will I even make it in time?
How will my son handle it? My son is one tough kid and I think he will be able to handle it, he knows it is coming. I always fear the knowledge and experience of death will forever scar my son when he sees it first hand. When you see first hand we are all perishable it leaves a mark on you. For some it elevates your passion and others it is the opposite.
I write this as I wait for someone to return or at least turn on their phone so I can leave.
Each of us only have a limited numbers of days available to them. Are you making the most of the them? If not, fix that right away.