Of all the topics that come up in 'spiritual', health, psychology and related groups online - I find that the topic of ego is the most misleading and misunderstood. I'm currently learning about human brain evolution and, understandably, it has gotten me thinking...
The word 'Ego' is Latin for 'I'. The etymology shows us that ego relates to self and self awareness. Associated to the concept of self, we tend to also have the concept of 'other' and thus also 'identity'. Most definitions and comments I read about ego tend to at least recognise that these issues are associated with ego, but ego is not a neatly defined part of the brain that can be measured using equipment, so we have a lot of disagreements about the fine points. A common claim is that the ego must be 'killed' and even that it is the root of all evil - however, this cannot possibly be correct for several reasons. Firstly, again, ego means 'I' - so to 'kill' ego is to either kill you or to kill your ability to understand you, depending on whether we reference 'I' as the literal being that you are or as the idea that represents you in the realm of thought. Obviously, healing cannot take place if you are dead and logically you cannot achieve anything without a concept of you being active in your inner reality. The general claim seems to be that ego is a 'false' and 'separated' version of you that can only bring harm - so what's the alternative?
The image sold via spiritual people is often that being egoless means you aren't thinking of yourself and are actually somehow magically then kind of being used as a vehicle for 'the greater good' by - well, maybe God. What exactly is the purpose of being a remote controlled entity without free will or deep thoughts of self? Well, you don't need to question that do you? After all, your mind isn't important. I am not being cynical here when I highlight that ego death is actually one of the most perilous spiritual traps that exists - it is a literal path to slavery, exploitation and death. If you aren't aware of who you are, then you aren't paying attention to your real needs and therefore you cannot take care of them. The idea that your real needs will somehow be taken care of if you yourself don't take care of them will tend to lead people to conclude that a life of subsistancy (at best) is what God demands, since God apparently provides to those who do as asked. In reality, God makes no such demands and spirit provides everything that is needed and even desired if appropriate. Self denial is the outcome of ego death and it is not loving.
Healing the Ego
The need is not to kill or destroy the ego, any more than the need for cancer patients is to kill and destroy their body to get well. The need in both cases is to go to the root cause of the imbalance and make changes at the causal level - then the rest of the body/mind systems can change shape and recover into peace. In the case of the ego, we need to know what a balanced ego is and what it is not.
Imbalanced ego often struggles in life and tries to take on way too challenging roles. Instead of making use of resources in a balanced way, an imbalanced individual will tend to make poor choices and then blame everyone else. The imbalance will often take a form that has them putting everyone else down and raising themselves up - as if they are the only intelligence on Earth that anyone should ever listen to. Along with this will tend to come attack/defend fight/flight patterns that are sub-conscious and so the person will tend to get aggressive easily and also defensive when challenged on any level. In short, incorrect definitions about who we are and our connection to the universe and life itself, has many of us sealed off from others, hidden behind walls of our own pain and suffering. As long as we remain artificially segregated by our own thinking, we remain unable to access experience and perception that could help us to balance and evolve.
It is important to realise that individuation - the process that allows us all to be individual - is not unhealthy inherently, there is nothing wrong with having personal boundaries. The issue is that our thinking needs to be rooted in correct definitions.
Accurately Defining Self & Power
Life is impressive and vast, yet sometimes we feel tiny and insignificant. This dynamic alone is enough to trigger immense fear if we do not hold empowering definitions.
'All is one' is a correct understanding, so that literally means that on some level, we ALL are EVERYTHING! Simultaneously, though, we are also individuals with human form and this is the main challenge we face when understanding who we are. It IS possible, though, to hold correct definitions about the situation that allow us to come to peace and no longer be intimidated.
The more accurate and balanced our definitions about self become, the more refined and less stressed our ego becomes. Instead of relying on overpowering others to get things done, or putting others down - we come more into harmony with the cosmos and effortlessness allows far greater productivity and happiness.
When I have called myself 'ura soul', I have meant that in the context of highlighting that each of us is truly a soul - not just a human. We have a personality but we are not a personality. Personalities are created and can be uncreated - however, we cannot uncreate ourselves. The irony of an over relied upon Ego is that it will overpower the true soulful nature of self - so while trying to self aggrandise, we block out the real strength of self.
To use power in a balanced way, we need to accept that we have real power and so does everyone else. Once we respect power more deeply, the less we tend to believe there is any benefit to project our own imagined superiority. Power is ONLY 'The ability to act', so power is not wrong and is absolutely needed. Power does NOT corrupt inherently.
Getting Sucked Back into Ego Battles
My own current challenge is that despite knowing all of this about ego, I can still quite easily get sucked back in to relating to particularly imbalanced thinkers 'on their level'. Only today I realised that I have a pattern in use that has me deliberately choosing to join in on ego battles when communicating with people who use them on a daily basis. I understand that this is because on a gut level I haven't cleared out my beliefs and stuck emotions relating to wanting to feel like I am winning - which is actually built from a real need to feel loved. Instead of trying to rely on getting love from others, who most likely aren't able to provide it due to their own imbalances, it is wiser to allow love to come from within for our own needs. This ends the entire fight/flight dynamic of trying to struggle to get recognition from others.
It would be nice if everyone were loving and they just respected our feelings and real needs, but that is quite rare at this point. If we are to truly be free and to help the situation, we need to step into grace and notice where we are reinforcing unnecessary division and conflicts instead of healing our own issues internally. Common outcomes that arise from no longer being dependent on others (for what we could be giving ourselves) include: much greater clarity of thought, action and communication with others and within self. As we collectively learn these lessons, there will be less and less conflict in the world and less possibility of falling into old patterns as a result too!
Wishing you well,
Ura Soul
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