Society tends toward an unspoken (sometimes spoken) hierarchy of value. It starts early in school with simple things like who sits at what table at lunch, who plays what at recess, who actually gets a to choose their spot on the bus. As kids get older it takes a more brutal format in the form of bullying for the lower 20%. By the time people get into college age its almost an unspoken reality that people carry on their face or image where they are supposed to be in the hierarchy and somehow people can see that, and sub-consciously treat you accordingly. It carries into adulthood in the workplace and takes a more subtle reality, where people tend to find people near them on the hierarchal system and befriend those around them, avoiding those above or below them.
In my experience, and opinion our placement on this hierarchy is often cemented in my awkward moments of our own doing that generally create a high-level of embarrassment. For young people that embarrassment turns to shame and allowing society to put them into whatever place on the hierarchal system.
I had a moment as a 10 year old, where my family was traveling for a soccer tournament of mine. We were out to dinner and it happened to be my birthday. So my soccer team was there, and I was sure to tell my mom that I did not want any servers singing to me for my birthday - everyone knows thats weird. I came out of the bathroom early on, and saw my mom talking to the server. I then did a 180 and spent the next hour in the bathroom, refusing to come out. That then turned to mega shame for me and a few people on my team treated me accordingly.
While ridiculous, this potential experience is creeping for our kids everywhere they go.
So how do we parent them in these moments?
My 7 year old is starting to have some experiences like this and my wife and I stumbled across this definition of Embarrassment.
'Caring to Much About what Others Think'
As parents its our job to help our kids treat the opinions of others rightly. At the end of the day the societal hierarchy is really created by about 10% of loudmouth jerks, where as the other 90% just go along passively. Most people really do not want to live inside this crappy social control construct, however when the 90% do not have anyone helping them it gets created as "normal", generally for the rest of their lives.
So I have set out to help my kids, Jack in particular hole the opinions of others rightly. I have since adopted a secret handshake with my son, called him out as 'Jack the Brave' everytime I see him, and when he has these embarrassing moments (primarily at school) I am helping him see that these are moments where he gets to slay dragons.
His dragon, and our kids dragons of embarrassing moments will plague their life if we as parents do not intervene. Its our responsibility to help them see their value, and give them tools to handle embarrassment. For Jack its a sweet handshake (I make sure to do this at school in front of his friends), identity as Jack the Brave, and context for his emotional battle.
Build a powerful kid - help them see embarrassment rightly, dominate it, and be apart of destroying the societal hierarchy in there sphere of influence...even 7 year olds can be powerful...
Live big and dominate life today!
Thanks for reading along - feel free to comment below - or join the dialogue with other steemparents on discord @ https://discord.gg/xn78fU5