“By making eye-contact, getting down to your child's level, offering a touch, or using a tone of your voice that conveys a desire to genuinely connect, you disarm yourself. You make it possible to reach your child more deeply and truly move forward together.” ― Hilary Flower
There is not a single person that knows the depth of things I have endured in my lifetime thus far, much like I do not know the extremities of the things that others have experienced… We can each only speak for our own journey…My journey was a wild and rocky one in my younger years Haha! But I don’t regret any of it! (...well almost nothing! Lol). Life might have led me down some interesting roads, but I love looking back at those moments (good or bad) because they were all EXPERIENCE and each and every one of them contributed to the person I am today - even though I would have to be honest enough in saying that not all of those traits are necessarily positive.
I can remember how the smallest things had the BIGGEST impact on my life… like the roles people played in movies for instance… I was about 15, and I went to go and watch “Natural Born Killers” on the big screen. Well, I thought this was the coolest movie I had EVER seen, and the fact that they were murderers never even ENTERED my mind! They were romantic and above all else… SUPER COOL! - A modern day Bonnie and Clyde if you you will...
As much as I can sit here now as an adult and declare that “I have no regrets” – I cannot honestly say that a lot of what I was exposed to during my growing up years, was even MILDLY appropriate! However, MUCH of this is out of our control – even with our own kids – right now! We do the best we can, and that is about it… the rest is up to them and that is how the cookie bakes ;) It is a recipe where we have (some) influence – and then not so much! So when you grab “them cookies” out of the oven and they don’t look quite like you expected… don’t act so damn surprised! Every single life encounter our kids are exposed to becomes a piece of their picture.
“Tantrums are not bad behavior. Tantrums are an expression of emotion that became too much for the child to bear. No punishment is required. What your child needs is compassion and safe, loving arms to unload in.” ― Rebecca Eanes
Just as you want your kids to remember that you too were once young (stupid and naive) – do you not think it appropriate that you too, remember that they are young and still learning – NOT always equipped to make the wisest decisions! What are you on about Jayne…?! The DETAILS! That’s WHAT! Those “little” things that NOBODY pays attention to – those “incidents” and “moments” that are often so trivial to us as adults, are precisely the opposite to kids… they are MONUMENTAL! They steer, shape and influence them! From the TV programs, YouTube videos, kids at school, parents, teachers and just about everything else! Children are SPONGES!
Not unlike the movie I mentioned prior… it impacted me! It showed me that doing what they did was acceptable – which was wrong! (Granted, I can see the wood for the trees now) – but I did not at the time, nor for many years after… and I was not living in a generation SATURATED with such AGGRESSIVE social media and general media influence! No, I grew up in a generation where technology was only claiming stake to the throne when I was hitting my late teens… my foundation had already been laid! – And look at how crazy I am! Lol
My point? Pay more attention to the things going on in your children’s lives! Stop ignoring them and shoving them to one side! – When they talk – LISTEN! Ask them what happened in their day! Ask them about their friends and what they do during break time. Get stuck into their minds, thoughts, feelings and LIVES!…. You will learn A LOT! - Which as a parent is something you REALLY SHOULD have a handle on! Kids these days do NOT grow up at the same pace we did! - KNOW THAT! Everything in their world is on fast forward.
Don’t miss the fleeting moments that present themselves as opportunities for you to TRULY become a part of their world and therefore affording you the opportunity to help steer their ship. We can never “force” their direction – but we can help them along the way of their independent journey.
Too many parents overlook the obvious which is what causes kids, tweens and teens to turn inward and ultimately toward self-destructive habits and that is that at some point they began to feel misunderstood and alone. There is no feeling in the world worse than this and it is only compounded by social pressures and puberty etc.
Yes, I want to be a parent to my son, but I also want to be his best friend. I want him to know that I care about what is happening in HIS world, from HIS perspective! I want him to know that he can come to me with any problem, any time and that I will be there to guide him through it as a parent AND a friend!
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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