On August 2nd of 2017, our world was rocked when we discovered that we would be welcoming our first child into our family. To say that emotions were running high would be an understatement; we were so scared, surprised, unsure, but most importantly, we were overjoyed.
Now I’m 32 weeks, counting down the days until my partner and I get to meet our baby girl.
But OH MY GOD, THE PHYSICAL TOLL THAT CARRYING A PERSON AROUND FOR 8 MONTHS HAS HAD ON MY BODY IS UNREAL!
Don’t get me wrong, I love having my daughter secure and safe inside me. I love feeling her flip and tumble, her little hiccups, the way she kicks to the sound of her dad’s voice...it’s precious, something she and I will always share. I wouldn’t give that up for anything .
On the other side of the spectrum, I can no longer see my feet, I have back and leg pain that keeps me awake at night, and those once gentle little flutters have now turned into a fury of punches and jabs to my internal organs.
And my right arm turned YELLOW. a jaundicy, sallow, gross shade of yellow. Luckily that only lasted for a few weeks, but it was not pretty.
There’s also a plethora of emotional “side effects”, caused by the surge of baby making hormones that surge through a pregnant woman’s body. I used to cry when a leaf fell, now I cry when we’re out of ice cream. I get massively irritated with my (wonderful, loving) boyfriend for the goofiest things. About 3 months ago, I was on Facebook, and found myself sobbing over an abandoned senior dog’s adoption story. I have these bizarre, uninhibited moments of sadness over the silliest triggers.
The mental symptoms and effects are probably the worst part. You will never understand the brain of a pregnant woman until you have that brain. Mine is drowning in a sea of estrogen and progesterone. I was scatterbrained before, I can barely remember my first name most days.
People who have never had children have given me unsolicited advice (someone told me that she understood what I was going through, since she was basically a mother without a child). While I would never understand nor underestimate what adoptive mothers experience, unless you have physically carried another human being around for 9 months, you will NOT understand.
And ultimately, I have to realize that the way my daughter and I share my body is ephemeral. In the future, I know I’m going to long for the day when she and I were literally inseparable. While most days have not been a walk in the park, I wouldn’t change anything about them.
I am, however, very much looking forward to the day where I can shave my legs again.