A couple of months ago I found out I was pregnant.
I am 23, I have no medical aid, I am working full time to complete my articles while studying BCompt through UNISA, not in a relationship or married, still living with my parents, my whole life ahead of me and BOOM! My life is over. Or so I thought.
When I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant and I cried, I was so mad at myself and so confused. I was not ready for this. My first thought was to get an abortion: "It is still early and no one will even know except me. I will know, I will remember, I will wonder every single year what my child would have looked like, what my life could have been like." I cried and worried and I didn't know what to do.
Today I went to the state hospital for the third time. My 17 week scan and follow up. My appointment was at 09:30. I waited in a line of 10 other soon to be mothers. I was prepared for the long wait: I took a pillow, a book, 3 sandwiches, water, juice and chocolate (which I shared with all of the mothers while patiently waiting)
I wanted a boy but I had so many dreams about my baby being a girl. In one dream I called her Emma and then all the babies born that day in the hospital was called Emma and I didn't know which one was mine. I felt like a horrible mother. In my entire family from my mom and dads side there are 3 boys and 11 girls.
Finally at 12:30 it was my turn - my first scan! I was sweating. The nurse was very polite and nice. She moved the sonar stick over my small belly bump spreading the cold goo everywhere clicking on her machine and making her notes without saying a word. I was scared.
She turned the screen around and showed me my perfect little creation and my eyes started tearing up. She had also taken three other videos so I could see every small little part of the body. This was where I let the flood gates open and I cried. This however was not the same crying as when I found out. This was crying of pure happiness. The most beautiful thing I had ever seen and It was mine. Until it turns a teenager and doesn't want anything to do with me of course.
It - my mom almost shat herself when I called my baby it but before I knew the gender it was the only pronoun I saw fit. But I really badly wanted to know and when she asked I said yes so fast I interrupted her sentence.
And then she said "Dis 'n ou seuntjie." (Its a boy) I smiled so big it must have touched my ears and then I cried even more.
I had to go for a follow up too and I waited in another very long line. Only went home at 16:00. It was nice talking to all the moms there, we laughed a lot.
I realized today my life only started now. This was the biggest gift and blessing anyone could ever ask for. Yes the circumstances are not ideal but my child is so perfect the circumstances doesn't have to be.
I am so incredibly glad I chose life and light above all that darkness and death. Here is the picture I got
Much love M_M