I know you miss his morning calls. Yes, you miss him picking you up. You miss the sweet messages. You miss the dates. You miss the long walks and travel with him. You miss his presence. You miss his scent, the kisses and hugs. You just miss everything about him.
But don’t you miss the feeling of prioritising yourself? Don’t you miss the feeling of being free? Don’t you miss the feeling of not questioning your worth? Don’t you miss the feeling of loving yourself really hard? Don’t you miss the feeling of pampering yourself? Don’t you miss the feeling of being treated right? Don’t you miss the feeling of being genuinely happy?
I can’t blame you if you will still choose him despite everything. I can’t blame you for giving him multiple chances. I can’t blame you for loving him really hard. All i hope is that you will be truly happy with your decision. All i hope is that the risk you are making is worth it.
It has been a crazy rollercoaster of a ride these past couple of years. You’ve fallen in love, moved in together, got engaged, planned a wedding and now you’re settled into your daily life as a married person.
If you take a step back and think about it the process of falling in love and getting married really forces a person to take on several new roles and identities in a relatively short amount of time. First you’re the single girl, then the “new” relationship girl, and then the fiancé and finally the “Mrs.”
When you become a “we” it requires you to morph and shift certain parts of yourself. Transitions, for better or worse, require us to shift or possibly let go of certain aspects of ourselves.
Sometimes these are much-needed shifts and changes in our lives. Maybe becoming a “we” has allowed you to finally trust another person. Maybe becoming a “we” has pushed you to get focused so you can finally pursue your dreams.
But what if you’ve been feeling a little off? What if you’ve been wondering, “Who am I now that I am a “we”? What if you’re starting to realize there are other parts of yourself you’re losing and it’s far from positive?
If you’re finding you’re not quite the person you once were and you’re not happy about it, its time do something about it:
Don’t blame
It’s easy when you’re feeling a bit lost or stuck in your life to look around and want to place the blame on what’s right in front of you. So if you’re eyeing your partner and getting angrier by the second because you feel it’s their fault you’re no longer feeling like yourself, take a deep breath and recognize this is your issue to address.
Investigate
Losing yourself looks different for everyone. It’s important for you to work on becoming more aware of what you feel may be missing from your life. Try and think back to a time in your life when you felt really good about yourself. You felt confident and comfortable in your skin. This is your true and best self.
Rediscover your passions
Don’t you hate it when you’re feeling a bit lost and the only advice you get is, “Oh…it’s OK…this will pass…you know what you need…you need a hobby.” Rest assured that’s not what I’m saying.
Look at what you wrote down when you were at your truest self. There must have been things that you did on a regular basis that made you feel…well like you. What were those ideas or beliefs that you felt so passionate about? What did you do with those ideas or beliefs?
Reinvest in friendship
Everyone has had a friend who suddenly fell in love and then became MIA. And we’ve all gotten into a new relationship and turned around pulled the “I’m going to hang with him or her tonight” card ever time our friends hit us up on a Saturday night. Unfortunately when we’re in love, our friends get the short end of the stick.
It’s time to reinvest in your friendships again and this time it needs to stick. It’s easy once you’re married to spend every evening with your partner. Hey, they’re right there and you don’t even have to get out of your yoga pants.
The truth is, when your well-being isn’t a priority, just about everything goes downhill. When you don’t devote time and energy to your needs and your health:
You have less energy and motivation to follow through on your goals
You are more easily distracted and less focused
Many people tend to turn to “vices” to fill in the gaps that aren’t being filled with in quality ways. Stress eating and other kinds of emotional eating, smoking, drinking too much, wasting time surfing the internet—these are a few things that tend to show up, waste more of your time and energy, distract you, and contribute to a vicious cycle of decreased happiness and less effectiveness.
Stress levels are higher
Sleep is often impaired (or sacrificed)
It’s common to feel deprived, irritable, more easily frustrated, or impatient
Creativity suffers and life usually includes less play and fun
Health is negatively affected
