Chapter 4
Knowing people are aware of my conditon but dont know how to articulate their contempt only propels me foward with disregard provoking most of my actions. I skipped the showering part of my daily hygienic regigim not for a lack of words. More for the lack of action.
The longest I've gone without bathing is 225 days, just shy of 7 months on most earth based calanders. For some strange reason the subjectivity of cleanliness irritates me in fact I find myself engorged with emotion when it is brought into question. Self defense mechanism or offensive repoach, I'm not sure. The only thing for certain is the pounding hatred I have reflected in each thrust of my beating heart for labels and castigation.
What is the point of leaving the house now? Dressed and bathed. Lathered with enough self contempt to drowned a politician. I close the door to my room. Once again overwhelmed with reality I reach for a seditive. Swallowing I quickly forget about the pain and drift off asleep at last or at least for a couple hours. My need for perfection led to this procrastination of paralysis.