Hi steemians.
It's been a while on here
okay so earlier today, I got a call from my friend 
My Most Memorable Experience
Life itself is embedded with so many experiences, some of which might be categorized as the good, the bad and the ugly, well today this particular experience I speak of is considered bad and ugly. Being alive and living for the past years as a orphan has me on life unbalanced scale. Growing up I lost my dad to some heavy weight of drug abuse and I had to live with my mom for just a short while just before death took her away and left me orphaned.
So after dad's death and burial, mom had become very depressed as a result of the lawsuit we lost, we lost virtually everything to dad's relative and we had to move back down to Nigeria and settle for the little life left for us to live. We arrived the city of Lagos on the early hours on December 31st 1997. It was grandma's house, the beach house which we often visited on holidays. We settled in and grandma has a chit-chat with mom while I took a walk around the beach.
The long day was almost over, it was sun down and everyone was indoors, I left the beach after seeing a strange creature and got scared, in my state of fear I ran towards mom's room to tell her of my experience, I was so eager to tell her, I approached mom's room, have some few soft knocks, there was no reply, this was really unlike mom, then I gave harder some harder knocks, just then grandma showed and we both knocked continuously, with the little strength on me, I was able to break off the locks, the door eventually opened and my eyes meet the most fearful sight, Mom had committed suicide by hanging.
Some few days later I woke up in the hospital, grandma was by my side, I couldn't recall anything that had happened, out of curiosity I asked grandma, she gave a warm smile and asked that I rest again, just then my eyes closed again. We left the hospital after some few days, we got home, no sight of mom, curiously I kept on asking, grandma sat me down narrated the other day's event to me, I couldn't digest it, I was so disturbed and almost running to the beach, grandma eventually got hold of me and kept me calm, then brought out a note which she said mom had written for me, it reads this:
Please tell my own; traviz
Please tell my son that I loved him;
Please tell him mummy put everything into herself so that what came out of her would be everything
Tell him he is everything I worked for..
Tell him he is the senseless questions that finally made sense..
Tell him he is the answer to my sincere prayers.
Please tell him to breathe
Please tell him to breathe, exhale.
Tell him to breathe, breathe in and out until he becomes united with the air; until he hears the tone and rhythm in the wind and blends with the breeze..
Tell him to learn to breathe, learn to breath in especially more times than out; breathe in and store in for days when air cannot be found; those days when he would gasp for air in a bid to hold on.
Please tell him to beware about life and this world
Tell him that life will not be comfortable with him but life will recognize him when he walks because he will surely command it..
Tell her the world will care about her edges but will never care when she is on the edges; he should not expect that life would care for him, if he doesn't take care of himself first..
Tell him that expectations and living up to expectations have ruined and even killed many thus he should know his speed and program her drive to fit her own perfect speed limit; the only expectation I have of him is that he lives..
Tell him the expectations of the righteous shall not be cut off but they are not his to be fulfilled.. proverbs 23:18
Tell him he is nobody’s destiny.
Tell him to discover and know himself
Tell him to know herself beyond being his race and skin colour; being black is a race but being a whole person is a lone walk that does not neccessarily require opinions.
Tell him to learn to value his silence
Tell him to value his silence, but also love the sound of her voice..
Tell him to know when his voice should resonate in a room; thus silencing everyone and when everyone’s voice should resonate in# header a room; thus silencing him alone..
Tell her growth is silent and wisdom has it’s own recognized voice..
Tell him that he became underprivileged the very second he came out of my womb complete as a male, with a black and a voice.
Finally please tell him;
Tell him that he was made made and shaped by God in nine months but I carried him for nine months..
Tell him that I love him..
Tell him I bless him.
With love from mummy
December 31st 1997
I made a post about it here:
https://steemit.com/untalented-mama/@traviz/a-letter-from-my-dead-mom-20171229t9911136z
I read through more than once, I cried and continued in tears for I realized I was orphaned and was only 12 as at the time.
What I Learned From This Experience
The experience was painful, I miss her, I really do, and at times I still feel her presence, now it gives me a purpose to live for, a goal to pursue and I have learnt to stay focus to attain my goals. In life some experiences are just to mould us into a better and stronger person and it becomes our choice to harnass the lessons learnt through them and channel in a right direction.
Thank you 
I support
