FAIR WARNING THIS IS FICTION, and ADULT Themed. NAUGHTY WORDS AHEAD. NOT my usual garden stuff. Nor photography. ADULT fiction.
PLEASE take a moment and catch up!
PART ONE: Ocean Dreams: Part 1: Heart Ripped Assunder
PART TWO: Ocean Dreams: Part 2: Picking Myself Off The Deck
PART THREE: Ocean Dreams: Part 3: A Mystery To Me
PART FOUR: Ocean Dreams Part 4: Can We Talk?
PART FIVE: Ocean Dreams Part 5: My Own Marina
PART SIX: Ocean Dreams: Part 6: Trust. Respect. Love.
PART SEVEN: Ocean Dreams: Part 7: Kick A Man While Down
PART EIGHT: Ocean Dreams: Part 8: Wreckage On The Rocks
From Part 8
I could look back, and see wreckage on the rocks. My marriage, my relationship with my son, with so much... OR, I could forward. I smiled, looked ahead, and stepped onto the bridge for my watch...and what lay ahead!
Part 9
We’d made it. Somehow, from that drunken louse that turned up a few months ago at the docks, to today, I had actually made it to Florida. The boat, a 475 Nordhavn was everything I could have asked for. She was steady, sturdy and the only thing I could count on in my life, right now. I knew, in only a couple of hours, I would face one of the worst times. My wife… sorry, soon to be EXwife (fuck her, fuck that!) would be sitting across from me and we would be having one of those, “We need to talk” afternoons.
I found an amazing boating partner in Marina, but there was something wrong with both of us, when it came to relationships. We were both too damaged. I knew, it would take some time to heal. But as boating partners, we were absolutely perfect. The boat and crew were as one. We’d handled the cruise on down the east coast, into the ICW, the intracoastal waterway, and around to the west Coast, into Naples. I was actually sitting in Marathon, in the Florida Keys, at a bar, waiting for her, the soon to be ex...
I was never going to meet her, but the last few weeks my daughter had been more and more desperate, begging, and crying. I’d been trying to get her to realize, how no good could come of it, when I’d heard the subtext. My clearly angry ex… soon to be, was working my daughter. I broke down, and arranged this meet.
I’d finally been in contact with a lawyer, and she had fired off her own barrage.
Finally, she said, we needed to meet face to face, otherwise, she’d be putting a claim on the boat, saying I had stolen it. That alone would tie it up, for months, maybe a year. I’d agree, she could come down, and we would sit, face to face. I only had one stipulation: She needed to bring the kids and her own lawyer. It took days and many phone calls, before she agreed. I left the boat, a couple hours away, and headed out to the middle of the keys, far enough away from my boat, to await this dreadful confrontation.
I don’t know what I expected, but what I saw was NOT it. She was beautiful. Dressed to the nines. Stunning little sun dress. Full makeup. Her hair in curls, with highlights. Sunglasses perched on her head. She had a swagger.
I guess I expected tired. I expected sad. Or, even angry. What I saw was different. Almost carefree? I felt… hurt. It took the wind out of me, for a moment. Luckily, I was sitting in back. It gave me a moment to regroup. With a deep breath, I stood. Relaxed my shoulders, and stood taller.
She was sitting at a table, alone. As I approached, I could see a car, parked, with a woman, and my two kids in back. Well… So, she did bring them. I assume, the woman was maybe her lawyer. It wasn’t anyone I know.
I pulled a chair, and slid into it. At first, she looked like she was annoyed, then, startled, as she finally recognized me. I hadn’t shaved since. Full beard. My hair was longer, now. A big shaggy. My face, and hair were sun bleached. That happens, after almost a year outside. I was wearing flip flops, and a button down Tommy Bahama shirt. Fully embraced the life. As she recognized me, her face went from annoyed, to surprised, to finally, settled.
“You… you’ve changed. Look like… a beach bum!” She let out a small laugh. She immediately was back to closed. I am not sure she meant to say that. It just came out, I suppose.
“You look beautiful. Younger. Being single agrees with you.” First, a smile, then, as she understood what I said, she got mad.
“I am most certainly not single.” THAT Brought a laugh from me, and that set her off, again. “We’re still married, and I do NOT intend to change that.”
“Should have thought of that before you fucked someone else.” Everything I told myself, before we met, went out the window. Keep calm, keep focused, do not stray into personal, and do not get petty. Guess I wasn’t as calm and under control as I thought. I don’t know what she thought, but, that stopped her. She took a moment, probably went back to her internal script, and continued.
“I made a little mistake. It’s cost us. I am sorry I hurt you.” She blurted out.
“But not sorry it happened. Only that I would not accept it?” Again, I needed to get some off my chest and had lost my control.
“How did you find out?”
“That? That’s what you have to say after a year. How? So, next time you can get better at hiding it? Listen, this… arguing, it’s not helping me… us. This is NOT what I wanted to do today.” As my word sank in, her face changed.
“Me either… I miss you. I’d… we, the kids and I, all of us. We miss you. Please, come home. Please. I am sorry I hurt you. Please.”
I felt cold inside. I dropped my voice. Looked her in the eyes, and composed myself. “You didn’t just hurt me. You lied. You disrespected me. Our marriage. Our life. You gave something to someone else, that should have only been for me."
She was probably waiting for that.
“I made a mistake, it was only that one time” She didn’t know what I knew. “I was lost, but I love you. I never disrespected you. Please”
“That’s another lie. You were my best friend, and I begged you. Let me help you. I asked, begged, let me help… and you went to someone else. When, above all, you should have turned to me, your husband, and friend, for help. A mistake? That was a deliberate decision.”
She paused, and then, “It was only sex. It wasn’t even that good. I am sorry I hurt you, but I love you. I didn’t .. I haven't lost respect for you.” My laugh caught her off guard.
“…you did” I took a breath, looked over at the kids. My heart broke, inside. Barely a whisper, “You let someone else inside you.”
“What? That’s what this is? It’s my body, and my choice. I get to decide. Only I get to decide what I do with it. I was depressed, missing something. I was feeling lost. It was only sex. I NEVER loved you less. I never loved him. In fact, it wasn’t even that good. It didn’t mean anything to me.”
That broke me. Through my tears, I said, “It meant everything to me. And it wasn’t even the sex. That’s not what I meant by ‘inside.’ Though, you shit on me with that. You let someone else into your head, and heart. Even a little. DO NOT say you didn’t cuz, only a whore fucks someone without any feelings. And for all we did have, don’t make me think that of you.” Her eyes widened. While I cried softly. I fell a part of a little bit.
“It was nothing. I’m sorry I made a mistake. I was hurting, and needed to feel something…” Her voice was softer now.
“…and I no longer gave you feelings?” I took a deep breath. How far should I go? “You broke my trust in you. Lost respect for me. And, before you say another word, you haven’t actually apologized for it happening, only for it ‘hurting me.’ And here’s the biggest issue. You're still lying to me!” She drew back.
“I am not. I love you, and made a mistake. Haven’t you ever made a mistake. One mistake shouldn’t end us. Come home. I don't care what you've done this last year." Inside, I thought, That told me a lot. "We’ll get counseling, and find out what I did what I did. We can still live our life and have those dreams. Grow old together. Our kids will give us grand babies, and we’ll grow old and do all that we talked about.”
"You don't care what I've been doing this past... that's not someone who loves someone else." My voice broke at saying that. Loudly, I broke down. I vaguely heard a car door, and running footsteps.
“Daddy!” My daughter was holding me, hugging me, and kept saying “Daddy… daddy’ and crying. And that got me crying too. I held her, and kept telling her ‘it’ll be ok” Took a bit, but, I pulled myself together, stopped crying, as she did.
I opened my eyes, and looked at my … at her boy, was he still my son? Standing outside the car. His door open. Looking at his mother. At his sister and I. He saw me, looking, staring at him. His eyes dropped away from me, and turned to look out at the ocean.
I was still holding my daughter when I looked back at my soon to be… ex. “You flew all the way down here to lie still. To keep on lying. To keep disrespecting me. To keep…”
My daughter cut me off, “No daddy. It’s going to be alright. Come home. We can fix this.” She was sobbing again, quietly.
“No babygirl… we can’t. Maybe if it had only been one time. Maybe if it had been something different. Maybe…” She was sobbing loudly, now.
“I told you, it was one mistake.”
“Tell me something… before someone else got you pregnant with that boy, were there others? Were there others in between? How many? How often? Were they my friends? Total strangers? Who are you?” I heard her gasp; her hand flew to her mouth! She looked shocked. Looked stunned, when I said that. But now, eyes wide, silent. My daughter was glaring at her mother. OK, that told me good things... she didn't know.
I guess, it was all over but the details. She turned her face back up to me. As I said each sentence, quietly, I heard my daughter cry and hold me tighter. I heard my soon to be ex softly cry. Each sentence a tiny dagger. She finally knew what she had done.
“You broke my trust. You broke my heart. You broke us. Not me. Not you. But each of the kids. My daughter. I felt her grip tighten more!) Even your boy.” That was not lost on my ex... soon to be. Her eyes flew wide at that.
“Babygirl, look at me." She slowly let her hug relax. "You and I? We’ll never be apart. You and I will always love one another. Always...” I held her tighter. And then looked at my soon to be ex. “Maybe some day, He and I” I pointed at my …son “will reconnect. I did raise him as my own. It may take a while, and he’ll need to find a way to repair some things. He was vicious, and really went out of his way to hurt me, that first few weeks.” My wife… soon to be ex’s, face looked surprised at that!
“You and I? We’ll never again be together. Never. You broke us. Broke Me. But I am getting better.” I kissed my daughters forehead. Stood, pulling her to me. She rose, along with her mother. “I’ll talk to you soon” I said to my daughter. “I love you. Forever and ever.” Crossing the street, I waved back at my …son” and his face fell. He knew. I turned one last time, to my soon to be ex, “Take care of yourself." I looked at my daughter, “Love you babygirl.” She smiled a tiny sad smile. And I stepped into a little launch, and headed away, out into the bay; into the twilight.
