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Image Source Unsplash by Heather Mount
Have You wondered what could be the reason, while there are many marriage failures these days compared to past centuries?
In the olden days, the African community precisely the Igbos practiced a system of marriage where a man and a woman who may have not known each other before, agrees to live together as husband and wife, simply because one of the family members recommended the other person as a good man or a good woman. It sounds funny, right? , but then statistics have shown that this type of marriage despite not being healthy, lasted more than what we practice today.
The woman and the man begin to understand each other when they are in the marriage. The woman will first go for a one-week evaluation period, where her mother-in-law will access her character, cooking skills, and other attributes. When she passes the test, the marriage rites commences and she will be married into the family.
The man and the woman begin to understand each other when they are in the marriage.
Back then, every family wants to retain their good reputation and as such, their children are warned strictly to be of good behavior in the husband's house. The same goes for the man. For fear of tarnishing the image of the family, the couple tries to settle their issues within them or perhaps invite one person from both sides for assistance. Divorce happens when there are constant physical abuse or infidelity issues. This is because infidelity is seen as a taboo capable of killing the man. In the case of physical abuse, the husband's siblings come together and warn their brother against his actions on the wife.
Does it mean I am in support of the above practice?
Not at all. What I intend to point out from there, is the fact, that the actual understanding of each other starts after marriage and not before marriage. Secondly, just as the fear of tarnishing the image of one's family of origin helps in keeping the marriage, if couples can consider the impact their breakups will have on their children and themselves as a single mother or single dad, it can help reduce the rate of marriage failure. HOWEVER, FOR HOMES WHERE THERE IS PHYSICAL ABUSE, IT IS SAFER FOR THE VICTIM TO RUN FOR SAFETY FIRST, WHILE LOOKING FOR A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM.
Today, we practice courtship and engage in years of friendship before marriage, yet there are many broken homes out there.
What could be the possible cause?
First, courtship today is being faked. The woman and the man hide their true identity during courtship. Of course, it can't be hidden for long. When these hidden attributes begin to manifest in marriage, it becomes offensive to the other partner, and may likely tear the home apart.
Another reason why we witness so many marriage failures is the fact, that most people marry their partner because of the look. Years into the marriage, the fine body structure begins to fade and the same goes for the attraction. Infidelity will then creep in and things start getting awkward afterward.
Love is necessary to start home, but the real test comes in the marriage and not before the marriage. The ability to understand that none is perfect, and the strategy of ignoring one's fault, and holding unto his virtue will go a long way in marriages. Some faults can be changed but some have become habitual, in that case, endurance should apply (ONLY if the fault is not life-threatening).
Finally, friends, comparison, impatience, have played a huge role in marriage failure. Marriage issues should remain within the family. Comparison destroys the home. What your husband or wife can't provide today, she can do so tomorrow. All you need is to be patient with each other and God will bless your home. Sharon!!!
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