This is probably one of my more existential posts that I have made. In this post I will address how people get hung up on the injustices of life, and provide insight to work through these injustices. It is unfortunate when people cannot get past that life sometimes is not fair when in reality the concept of life is a temporary endowment that could be viewed positively or negatively. I love that existentialism can go in depth about concepts of death and acceptance of death, so that people can change their focus to life. Let me put it out there bluntly, we were all born to die. I guess that is why in ways conceiving a child is one of the most selfish things people can do because they are giving something to a person (life) that will eventually be taken away (death). This is probably one of the biggest injustice about life. Which is why I think some preteens and teenagers go through a dark period of resentment towards their parents. You know the phase, where they hate everything and sometimes even question life itself, by displaying signs of overt depression and suicidal ideations. Don't think this blog post is all about darkness though. It is really about acceptance of the inevitable and embracing life.
There is not a single person alive who would not say that life hasn't granted them ups and downs. From the richest to the poorest, all people have a story. Life is not stagnant. People will face hardships such as heartbreak, death of loved ones, financial struggles, identity crisis brought on by drastic change, loss of jobs, etc. The feeling of pain is grounding in ways though. Without suffering, we would not even realize how far we would stray away from feelings of humility, perseverance, gratitude, and hope. Pain is awful, but it can be beautiful in ways that if we embrace it, we can find eye opening truths within ourselves. After hurtful situations occur, most people start searching themselves in a blaming technique. Think about it, even when someone close to us dies, we process it and even think about how we could have done more, or hate that one time we said or done this to that person, etc. Even though self-blaming is not a health place to stay, it provides a check and balance system for us to explore how we can improve as a person. However, at some point a person has to decide what parts of these thoughts are rational and irrational and move forward.
This is where I also like the idea by existentialist about finding meaning in suffering, especially the existentialist Viktor Frankl. If we focus on the injustice we've been served once again by life, we will get stuck like a sad song playing on repeat. Getting past the initial hurt or trauma can be very difficult for people because they hold onto what "once was," or focusing on the aggravating factor out of fear that it will occur again. I'm afraid to tell you all, but in life, there will be a times we will hurt again; however, there will be times we smile and laugh again if we allow ourselves. We have to constantly stop ourselves from focusing on the bad in the situation and try to focus on positive alternative thoughts, such as "what did I learn from this situation," or even "pain is not permanent and I will feel joy again."
I've walked people through breakups that at the time they felt like it was killing them because it hurt so badly. To do this I had to instill hope that it would not hurt like this forever. I had to remind them that this was only a small portion of their life that was negatively impacted and it was dependent on them of how much time they allowed it to take up in their lives. I also helped them rebuild their sense of who they were because when a person shares their life with someone, the lines blur of who they are and they build who they are to complement that person. This is true in many situations, even in jobs. A person will let another person or job become part of their identity and that is okay while things are great, but learn flexibility. Learn to accept change because life is always changing and rebuilding your identity can actually be fun. I think this is how people really come out of dark times, by accepting and having fun with the changes.
I don't know who I am writing this for, but I hope these tips are helpful. This life is time sensitive and sometimes gloomy, but there is so much beauty in it as well. Grasp onto the good, with hope to find good even in the bad. That is where we grow and gain so much experience and knowledge. Life's suffering does not have to be a punishment, but a guide to depth, humility, and appreciation.