Relapse is often thought of as a dirty word when in reality it is actually a crucial part of the recovery process.
Shifting past our bad habits and behaviors can seem like an impossible task. The process of intentionally changing and molding one's self requires courage, fortitude, and above all persistence in the face of the repeated failure that accompanies personal growth.
When attempting to steer our lives past our addictive tendencies and towards the place we actually want to head, we will inevitably hit roadblocks along the way. Old habits die hard and throughout the recovery process these thoughts will tempt us to relapse, especially when we are at our most vulnerable.
As someone who was seriously addicted to tobacco for nearly ten years, I can attest to this fact, as a stressful situation would always bring on increased cravings. The classic quote from Mark Twain "Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times" rang true in my life for many years.
I'd go a week, maybe two if I was really committed, and then eventually would fall back to smoking full speed ahead, almost to the degree that it felt like I was making up for lost time. This reality of the recovery process was a bitter pill to swallow, one that usually left the taste of burnt tobacco in my mouth.
Relapse is a tool
As someone who worked in the mental health field for several years, I interacted with plenty of people who were on their third, fourth, even tenth stay at our short-term crisis program. For one reason or another, many people would end up returning for additional treatment because they weren't able to maintain their progress.
The degree of shame and guilt that comes with relapse is something that can deeply affect a person's psyche. The disappointment from going back to old behaviors is perhaps more painful than the original crisis.
Progress allows a person to believe they are getting their life on track, only to discover they barely had the training wheels on and eventually fall off their path.
Celebrate relapse, don't dread it
Let me be clear, I'm not suggesting we should look forward to or plan to have a relapse. Obviously, a relapse-less recovery is the ideal outcome. But when we inevitably have some level of regression in our change process, we should shift our mindset in regards to the experience.
If a person has avoided alcohol for a full week, only to end up having a drink, this is not a failure but instead a massive success! One drink in seven days is better than seven in one night.
But our tendency is to commiserate on how we ended up relapsing, which can lead to just saying 'screw it' and hitting the bottle just as hard as ever. Perfectionism can be a form of self-sabotage, as our desire to never make a mistake leads to us berating ourselves when we (naturally) make one.
Suffering about suffering is a recipe for unnecessary and extended amounts of self-loathing and heartache.
A relapse occurs in an instant, but the story about the relapse persists for as long as we tell it. If the story we tell disempowers our recovery, we are destined to continue to fail.
However, if we decide to view our mistake and regression as growing pains towards our desired outcome, we lessen the intensity of the relapse. By viewing this experience as a learning tool, we empower ourselves to use each relapse as an upward cycle instead of a downward one.
Of course, we don't want to get trapped in a compassionate relapse mindset than continually smooths over our regression, and ultimately prevents lasting change from occurring.
But kindness towards ourselves goes a long way towards making the change process slightly more bearable. And when it comes to the excruciating experience of letting go of our addictions, that can make all the difference.
All uncredited pictures from pixabay.com
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