Breaking From the Norm: How People are Threatened by Deviations from the Status Quo!

Back in the late 1990's, I permanently said goodbye to my involvements with Korporate Amerika and became self-employed full-time. I was just done with working for someone else, and especially with feeling like my efforts were supporting a paradigm I didn't even believe in.

I won't go into the lengthy and at times convoluted journey of getting from a job as a technical writer in the IT industry to being a collectibles trader on eBay... the post is more about exploring the strange ways people and "the establishment" react when you make a sudden hard turn.

"You Can't Just DO That!"

It makes people uncomfortable when you do something they would never dream of doing. Or maybe that they dream of doing, but lack the courage to act on.

Even though I found myself surrounded by people whose public words seemed congratulatory and encouraging, I actually found that most people were trying to block my way. Maybe not precisely "block," but they kept coming up with reasons I should stay... and reasons I would be terribly unhappy after I'd left.

From a psychological standpoint, they were mostly just projecting their fears onto me.

But I was also threatening the broader status quo by declaring that I did not need to be a semi-indentured yuppie techie slave (with great benefits) trying to climb the ladder of success. It was mutiny. Betrayal. Breaking from the accepted norm of How We Should Conduct Our Lives.

Some years prior, my ex and I had been part of a social group of friends. We'd all been college buddies; we'd all gotten married during or right after college, and we were six couples who had this whole "Thirtysomething" thing going, with our seemingly perfect lives and perfect marriages.

Then something happened... Don and Diana were having marriage issues and were thinking of splitting up. 

The "group" fought hard to keep their relationship intact... because... well... they were one of us. Ultimately, they got divorced.

But that's not really what's important here. What's important is that the status quo was broken... and suddenly-- in a space of about 14 months-- four of the six couples had broken up!

Often we hang onto things that don't necessarily serve us, but we keep up with them simply because they are familiar, and perhaps because they are "expected of us." And... because we don't want to be responsible for breaking up the group.

Passive-Aggressive Sabotage

It's something we most clearly can see in work situations.

Somebody says they mean us well, and then go about sabotaging our effort to pursue our dreams. This being close to the New Year, maybe we resolved to lose weight and get in shape.

Whereas we get lots of "Attaboys" and "Attagirls," suddenly every other day has become "pizza day" for lunch... and everyone suddenly goes to happy hour on the days in between.

On one hand we appear to have support, on the other we're being subtly sabotaged.

When I was getting ready for my change in work status, I was suddenly made "lead" on things I would not otherwise have been in charge of. In retrospect, I could also see ways in which I was being guilt-tripped through a subtle process of "being made indispensable" ("Well, you're really the only one who knows how to do this") and then guilt-tripped about it.

And yes, this was back in a time where employees were considered more of an "asset" by companies.

Making People Look at Their Shit

So why exactly do these things happen? Why the sabotage? Why the pressures?

Yesterday, I wrote a piece about Putting Down Your Burdens when it feels like you are carrying a heavy load. Whereas that makes a lot of sense on the surface, there's a darker side to that. Which is that a lot of people are deeply and pathologically attached to their burdens.

Similarly, people are attached to-- and find comfort in-- the majority paradigm, or Status Quo.

When we choose to leave the majority paradigm-- and are successful at doing so-- it threatens the stability of that paradigm. In essence, we make people look at their own shit; at the essence of what they previously held dear and believed to be true. 

Cryptocurrencies, Steemit and Herd Thinking

Before I wind this down, the above can also be applied to our involvement in things like cryptocurrency and blogging on Steemit.

Our friends may think it is really cool that we are involved with these new technologies... and yet they use every opportunity to point us towards either the "imminent crash of bitcoin" or "The government will make it illegal" to plant seeds of doubt. Or they point out that even though they may be intrigued by the idea of Steemit, it "is basically a scam." 

Of course, it's not that these people actually wish anything ill on us... it's more a case of their reality coming into question if it turns out we are actually right. It's simply a thing we humans do... when someone leaves the herd (or tries to) we take measures to bring them back to the flock.

Why?

Because if there is actually life outside the flock, it brings the meaning and purpose of the flock into question... which could ultimately mean fear and pain, and we try to avoid that.

Again, there's no malicious intent there... it's simply self-preservation.

Postscript

There is often a strange consequence to breaking from the norm.

You end up "cycling" through friends, acquaintances and the company you keep. Sometimes that actually ends up being the trigger that keeps someone stuck: We don't want to lose our friends.

In the case of the marriages, very few of us stayed in contact once the couples group came apart. I eventually ended up dating Diana-- the first divorcee-- for a time and we had a completely different circle of friends.

Although my former workmates from my IT job insisted they wanted to stay in touch, they mostly didn't. I was no longer part of the herd. The only one I kept in touch with also left the company to start his own photography studio.

Meanwhile, there are lots of people I have tried to bring to Steemit, but they are still on Facebook... mostly because "everything is already there," but it wouldn't surprise me if they suddenly start coming here, once the community becomes more of a household name!

Sometimes the process of "becoming independent" requires a type of mental fortitude and determination you had not originally expected.

How about YOU? Have you ever made any major life changes or decisions that have caused those around you to question your motivations-- and even try to sabotage you? How did things work out? Or did you have more support for your attempts to leave the status quo? Did your circle of friends change as a result of your own changes? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!

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created by @zord189

(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 171231 14:07 PDT