Gratitude or Fault-Finding: Where Do You Focus Your Energy?

It's "Independence Day" here in the US of A, so let me start off by wishing those who celebrate this particular event a very Happy 4th of July!

This morning, I found myself thinking about having gratitude for little things in life, and I got to thinking about where and how we focus our energies.

Some people seem to eternally "find fault" in everything, while others "find the silver lining." 

Specifically, I was feeding our dog and had a momentary flashback to living with a particular ex who seemed able to "find fault" with almost everything... and that was the focus of her thoughts, and where she placed all her attention.

Fault Finding at Every Turn

Although I would feed her dog every morning, I would seldom hear any sort of gratitude for that, but I might hear something like "Why are you feeding the dog so LATE?" 

I'm just using that as an example.

A similar situation might be someone who orders a house painter to paint their living room-- the painter comes in and does an awesome job in good time, and for a reasonable price... and yet, all we hear is a litany of complaints about the one drop of paint that was spilled on the stairs. 

On the Opposite Side

Of course, there are also those who seem excessively optimistic and grateful for things no sane person should be grateful for. 

Perceiving a meat cleaver in the head as "an opportunity to experience the inside of an emergency room" is probably not the healthiest approach to life you can take. And yet, there are people who are just that "positive."

Psychological Head Games-- With Others, and With Yourself

From where I am sitting, it seems like both these extremes represent a playing of some subtle version of psychological head games.

As human beings, we tend to do things because we "get" something from our behavior-- a belief system is reinforced, we gain control, we gain power, or maybe we avoid something we find distasteful.

Outwardly, my ex claimed that she just cared about helping create a "better" world with fewer mistakes and screw-ups, and that "pointing out mistakes" was an important part of that. 

However, "behind the scenes" finding fault in things allowed her a certain feeling of "superiority" over others, establishing herself as "smarter" than whomever had screwed up. With those she knew-- at work, and socially-- there was also a degree of feeling more powerful because her "fault finding missions" tended to keep others just a little bit off balance. She was often preceded by a slightly "doomy" sense of "Oh God, here she comes... what's gonna be wrong THIS time?" energy.

On the positive side of the equation, the "head game" involved is often internal, and tends to involve conflict avoidance. I have known more than a few people whose outward air of positivity and gratitude was merely a thin veneer over their desire to have "everyone get alone," even to their detriment.

Of course, the downside there is that we tend to bottle up our true feelings of anger and betrayal... and then this otherwise very kind and positive person will suddenly "blow up" over something seemingly insignificant.

Sometimes "everything is peachy!" positivity also is used to hide insecurity about having an opinion and making a choice. If you don't choose, and declare all options "wonderful," you also exempt yourself from having to deal with feelings of disappointment at things not being done your way.

In the end, there's really nothing inherently wrong with finding what's wrong OR with being grateful and positive... as long as you also have balance, and are not using your "preference" to play head games with people.

How about YOU? Do you know someone who comes across as "overly picky?" They always find fault with things... does it seem like they are using their pickiness to manipulate people? How about "excessively positive" people? Leave a comment-- share your experiences and feedback-- join the conversation!

(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Published 20170704 14:43 PDT