We humans really are a funny lot. And I mean that in a sort of sad way.
People often engage in some very destructive and toxic psychological "games" as part of how they navigate their way through life. I think of it a bit as seeking the lower common denominator, rather than the higher common denominator in various situations — even though it's likely that such behaviors are largely sub- or unconscious.
Frankly, I'd rather be watching sunsets...
Consider This Statement:
"I only feel good about myself when I know — and participate in — that you are suffering as much as (or more) than me!"
Of course, it's likely that nobody would openly confess to something like that out in the open, but many people effectively do something like that.
Mrs. Denmarkguy — who's a counselor, among the many hats she wears — sees this quite often in the clients she sees. I also experience variations of this when people try to negate that I am not experiencing some kind of suffering in response to a certain input they are struggling with.
Somehow, it ends up that something is "wrong" with me, while they stubbornly defend the perspective that their dysfunctional response is actually the "appropriate" way to respond to the situation.
Now we all have periods in which we struggle and everything in the world feels like gloom and doom. And I can certainly empathize with you on that, and say "there there, this too shall pass," but it becomes "toxic" when someone expects me to adopt misery in order to be in solidarity with them.
Flowing Water
Tearing Down, Instead of Building UP
You might be tempted to think that this is a fairly isolated issue among a limited number of troubled individuals, but it's actually a widespread and pervasive influence in people and broader society.
It's not just about someone wanting YOU to suffer with them, rather than them improving themselves to be happy with you,; we also see variations in politics, religion, business and beyond.
Consider the business/company that "succeeds" not so much by their own excellence, as by trying to make their competition "look bad."
Consider the politician who — under scrutiny — really doesn't have much they stand for, and most of their platform is actually based around "my opponent is an idiot."
We often wonder about how we are going to build a better world, and I'd submit that maybe we should start with actually BUILDING things, ideas, people and projects... rather than trying to tear them down.
Begrudging other people for having found a measure of success and contentment just because you have not, is not the way to go!
Thanks for reading!
How about YOU? Do you tend to be a "builder?" Do you think the saying "misery loves company" is true? In any given situation, do you focus on what's "right" with it, or what's "wrong" with it? Do "positive people" annoy you, or make you happy? Do you find yourself wanting to be like them, or do you wish they'd tone it down and be more like you? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 190312 10:20 PST
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