Frankly, I don’t know the answer to that question. But as I am nearly 30 and I am struggling to take action to change not only my habits, behavior and attitude, but also the underlying triggers, I certainly hope so?
Let’s start with why.
Let’s start with what made me arrive to this point. I am not on the edge, I am not even unhappy. I have a well paid job and wonderful relationship, I am intelligent and achieving what I want, or rather need, comes relatively easy to me. I was a non-problematic child and a good student. I have grown to be an obedient adult, with stable employment, good credit score and with taxes always paid on time. And somehow, I believe this is part of the problem. You see, as children, we go through various processes that aim at making us exactly that — OBEDIENT. As Noam Chomsky points out, the whole education system is designed in a way, that makes obedience the key to success. You can be extremely talented, but if you fail to timely deliver time consuming assignments for pointless classes in university, you will fail. You are conditioned not to question. With me the system succeeded to a certain extent — at least on the execution level. I always needed to fulfill assignments. I needed to be good at EVERYTHING. I was seeking for appraisal. Where the system failed, is to shut down my reflective process. I am constantly questioning the meaning of everything I do and often arrive to a point, where I realize that what I am doing is pointless and I don’t know why I wanted to achieve it in the first place. Another problem is that, because I cannot let go, I fill in the time to maximum, and then feel frustrated when I cannot live up to my expectations and do only 80% of what I wanted to do.
So why is this such a big deal?
It is problematic, because it makes it almost impossible to slow down, take a break, enjoy. When you keep yourself busy, you cannot change the perspective and let your thoughts just flow. If you need to please the society all the time, you end up not being able to hear your own voice. It is not as much the feeling of living against your convictions, but more realizing that you don’t have any and you don’t really know what comes from within, and what is a result of following the rules.
Obviously, I could just stop doing those things. But as I pointed out in the beginning, it is not really about the outcome (it is often quite good, in objective terms), but more about the driving factors. I want to arrive to the point when I am in the driver’s seat, and when I don’t feel guilty not fulfilling the ridiculous expectations.
What is my strategy?
First step for me is to stop the uncontrolled flow of information to my head and try to actively choose what I read and watch. I deleted my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I uninstalled most of the applications that create distraction from my phone. I ‘forget’ to take my smartphone when I go for a walk on the weekend. I stopped listen to music during my commute that I used to fill in the void. I basically try to give my brain some time off and allow myself to be unreachable and out of the loop. I avoid shopping malls, I try not to be impressed by anything that is ‘in’. The most important of all is independence of thought, even if you sometimes need to do things that are against your own desires. This is what I am trying to do and this is what I would wish everyone did.
But don’t be a sheep.
Don’t be a follower.
Open your eyes.
Rewire your brain.