I'm going to summarize an article I read recently on www.narcisisticbehavior.net because the content is protected. I think this is incredibly important, however, as it is an emerging classification in clinical psychology to describe victims of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In case you aren't aware, there is something in criminology called "The Dark Triad": Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Psychopathy. They can be related together like Russian Dolls, one within the other, with the Psychopath evolving from the smaller dolls, the stereotypical narcissist, and the malignant narcissist. Sometimes there is a progression that leads to psychopathy, but this doesn't have to be necessarily the case.
However, we are going to focus on the victims: the dysfunctional behavior of the narcissist leads to exploitation of the victims that results in emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual abuse (an intangible sense that they have been "corrupted"). In order to diagnose someone as actually having Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, a therapist must carefully look at all the signs that their client presents to them. They might have a vague feeling that something is "off" in their life, or that they are feeling powerless or depressed. On closer examination of the client's life, certain details begin to stick out: the person feels "undermined," there is cognitive dissonance at play, they are or have been gaslighted, and abused on multiple levels while they are simultaneously attacked for believing that something is wrong with what happens. Victims of narcissists are caught up in a macabre dance of codependency in which they function as "supply" for the narcissist. What's more is that the narcissist has no sense of guilt or wrongdoing in subjecting the victim to constant dysfunction--it is quite common for the narcissist to meet challenges to their behavior with silence, coldness, or insisting that THEY are the victim. They will always turn everything back on you. The Last Psychiatrist calls this "The Cognitive Killswitch"--it disrupts the conversation like flipping a switch on or off.
Narcissists do this because on the inside they have very fragile egos, and actually quite sensitive to feelings of shame about themselves. Oftentimes, they were the victims of abuse in childhood or throughout life which left them damaged emotionally and sometimes physiologically (Psychopathy, for instance, can be the result of frontal lobe damage). They make up for this fragility by projecting a sense of grandiosity about themselves, and they learn throughout life how to charm people with their personality, appearance, and lifestyle choices. They become so good at this that they develop specifics tactics to get what they want from people and then discard them tactfully and without care. Oftentimes, the victims feel as if they are continually "put off balance" by the narcissist's behavior or that they have to "walk on eggshells" otherwise they might cause a "narcissistic injury." A narcissistic injury will always bring out the Mr. Hyde, or "negative side" of the narcissist. They will always respond with a form of rage--whether that be physically or passive-aggressive behavior like turning a cold shoulder to their victim.
The truth is that the narcissist is hooked to the victim as much as they are to them (but for very different reasons), and they resent and even hate their victims for the power they have over them. They will always create distance in an attempt to manage their victim.
They know that by doing so they are turning the odds in their favor. They gain the upper hand by intimidation, playing the victim, or cutting their victim off suddenly so they are abruptly thrown into chaos and turmoil. At this point, they know that their victim will do anything to appease them so the victim's world can regain "normality," and the displeasure they are feeling will subside. The narcissist, of course, loves this part especially--they have demonstrated their control over the situation, covered their own wounds, and know that they have the victim back in their grasp.
This is the macabre dance as the narcissist plays events out of the victim, using gaslighting (a combination of idealization and devaulation), and other forms of manipulation, to draw their victim back in so that their narcissistic supply is secure again.
But how would someone recognize they are a victim even if they are in the clutches of a narcissist? They may be dealing with emotions such as shock, anger, fear, and guilt. Often times the victim will be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the symptoms of which can be grouped into three categories: 1) Reliving (flashbacks, hallucinations, nightmares, etc), Avoiding (people, places, thoughts, loss of interest, etc) and Increased Arousal (excessive emotions, problems relating, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, outbursts of anger, anxiousness, panic attacks, etc).
Victims often find themselves being victimized by more than one person. This is because ALL narcissists are drawn towards people that are empathic and they can sense this from someone straight away. It is like magnetic attraction for them because they know they can get exactly what they need from you and they know precisely how to manipulate you in order to do so. For this reason, it is incredibly important that people realize the stages of gaslighting: 1) idealization, 2)devaluation, and 3) discarding. The "Gaslight Tango" is the narcissists preferred weapon of choice, and if you know it is happening to you, you can stop the process. In my view, confronting the narcissist is too risky: they may charm their way out of it or react in rage to the narcissistic injury that is evoked. It is better for the victim to issue a rule of NO CONTACT. Once this is done, they will know that they have been unmasked and that their game is over. Unfortunately, this means they will probably move on to someone that is unsuspecting and can be captured and wrapped up into the fantasy they are able to evoke.
It's possible that I will post my experience with "the one" at a future date. I have kind of just dashed off this synopsis of an article following some research I have been doing this week. I'll finally note that it has taken me some time to realize that what I was dealing with in my narcissist was both PTSD and Narcissitic Personality Disorder. I feel like the combination of these two personality disorder made my narcissist particularly dangerous in that she was able to capitalize on my empathy while masking her manner of exploiting me and gaslighting me both at work and in my personal life. I hope what I have posted helps anyone out there going through the same thing.
Original article found at: http://narcissisticbehavior.net/narcissistic-victim-syndrome-what-the-heck-is-that/
