Empathic Ability is to be able to understand another person’s subjective experience. To really put yourself in their shoes. I believe empathic ability is something everyone can be better at if they really try and apply it often in real life. Just as people have natural talents in all different areas, some people are natural talents in empathic ability, some other people might find it very difficult. But you can always improve it and I think it’s a very important skill to have in life. They should even teach it in school. I perceive that people in general are not properly trained in empathic ability and can say things like “that’s nothing to be sad over! Don’t be so silly! You’re too sensitive! I’ve been through much worse than this!” That’s when you know that they are lacking in empathic ability and might only understand things that they’ve been through themselves, maybe not even then. They might make it all into a contest in who had it worse. They might say things like “I’ve been through the same situation but I could handle it pretty well and my situation was actually much worse, so don’t be such a cry baby!” then you are doing one of the worst thing you can do to another human being – you don’t accept their subjective experience, their subjective pain!
Instead you should try to understand that person’s subjective experience. If you think that it’s an abnormal reaction on a normal experience then you should try to understand why this person is so fragile. What does it mean for that person? Can it be something symbolic for that person? Does it have to do with the person’s past experiences, maybe something from the childhood? One thing that is easy for one person might be very difficult for another person, we are all different. If you don’t accept and try to understand another person’s subjective experience then please, at least don’t tell them how they should feel or not feel. How they feel are the way they feel and there’s no right or wrong here. There’s always a deeper meaning behind everything. You are invalidating their experience and that’s quite serious. Focus on understanding instead if that’s appropriate. You can say something like “I see that this is very difficult for you but I’m having a hard time understanding it, can you help me to understand your reaction?”
It’s easier to understand something you’ve been through yourself than something you’ve never been through, but even then it might be difficult. If you commit to get better at your empathic ability then you will probably be perceived as a nicer person. There’s few things that irritates and makes people sadder then if you are invalidating their experience. Imagine everybody does this to that person, everyone is just telling them how silly their reaction is, and that of course make the whole situation harder and might even be a small trauma for that person. Traumas makes permanent scars in the brain. Imagine to never be understood and always called silly and over sensitive. We all just want people around us that truly understands you. Be curious about other people when it’s appropriate, make it your new hobby to see how much you can understand another person’s experiences. That’s the beauty about getting to know people, to understand them more and more. Challenge your ability to understand people’s experiences, this can make you a better person and it has great awards to give you. Forget about what’s the right or wrong way to feel, forget the judging and to compare, if you get very good at empathic ability I promise you that people are going to want to hang out with you much more, and they will value you more as a friend. And it’s so much fun, you can learn a lot from other people’s experience.
Let’s take an example. You’re friend that’s a girl breaks a nail and she’s starting to cry and get very sad. Your first reaction might be “OMG, she’s so silly!” But try to not judge her, try to understand her reaction instead. What does it mean for her? What does it symbolize for her? What’s happening around her in her life right now? Is this always her reaction when this happens? Does it have to do with something from her past? Some people are more sensitive in general and we need to accept this also. To be sensitive can also be something very beautiful and a lot of psychic people are highly sensitive. In society we use this as a bad thing “oh, you’re so sensitive!” Which actually means they think you’re silly and weak! Train your empathic ability, be curious about other people and never invalidate someone’s subjective experience!