Growing up without knowing if you're loved

I grew up in a supportive environment, with my parents helping me in different areas of my life. My education, mostly, had them doing everything they could to meet my needs. They are, without a doubt, the reason I have come this far. However, as much appreciated as this help was, there was something lacking.

They never supported me emotionally.

I was filled with expensive materials, books and personal classes, but little to none encouragement (nor verbally, nor physical). Imagine a kid who wasn’t used to being hugged and who didn’t know how to connect to people. This echoed in my personality and defined my way of interacting for years to come.

My relationship with my friends during my teenage years was unattached and distant in the same way that I used to see all the time. I became an adult believing that expressing feelings and being affective was something that only happened in the movies. I grew up believing this was normal. But, it’s not.

It was something that constantly stopped me from getting closer to people so I could not create real ties with them.

Then, things started to change.

My siblings, who are much older than I am, initiated their own families. So, following the cycle of life, they created a new generation. Thankfully, they learned about our experience and their children were raised differently.

Kids come to this word without judgement and restrictions. In their innocence, they speak their hearts. I never knew how much I needed to hear the words “I love you” until a little 1 year old with missing teeth directed them at me. Like it was nothing, as easy as breathing. I never felt more alive.

They openly show you that they are happy to be with you. They are not scared of hugging you and telling you that they missed you. They are pure and honest and if you are important in their lives, you will know. They don’t simply feel love, they show it. And that is so important.

I can’t even tell how much I have learned from them. From their willingness to express their feelings without ambivalence, I have gained courage to do the same. Step by step, I have gotten out of my comfort zone and begun to say out loud the words that got stuck in my throat before. I don’t go around uncertain of whether I’m worthy enough to be loved.

I don’t doubt the affection of my parents anymore, since with time I have come to understand that there are many ways of loving, but the reassurement is vital when you are building the foundations of your character.

Knowing that you are loved and appreciated does wonders in self-steem. In nowdays, there are so much hate and pain spread, so loving (and being loved back) is a privilege and everybody should be proud of it.

We must love fully and without fear. And don’t leave things unsaid.

Being aware of this, I’m doing my best to tell people the weight they have in my life. A handmade card, a video call, a kiss in the cheek. I try every day.

I would love to know if you are trying. How do you express your feelings?