Adoption itself. Psychological viagra of our time. Why do I compare myself with others? How to love yourself? How to accept yourself for who I am? Now tell.
To find the right strategy, looking at the current one. So we usually "take himself":
Treat yourself without digging too deep.We ignore the horror of what he saw or touches them how obsessed his child's mother.We decide to change something.Forget every other day.
If you are angry and dismiss, they say, it's not me, breathe out and think again. Fair.
You do not feel good about yourself too. Time or always. You are something of a dissatisfied, but hard to change, and psychologists or compassionate friends pour the syrup, "You be what you are. Are you all okay, just accept me. "
Let's experiment to solve for a second that you are not all okay. That figure is not to scale you sad because you can not accept yourself, but because of you fatter than you want to be. What if you earn twice less familiar, do not yield to not compare ourselves with them, and to earn more.
Adoption itself in the sense in which it is described inspirational quotes on social networks, then the unthinkable - should be accepted. Decide once and for all that you are fat and will remain so. You can surround yourself with a convenient reference group ( "you even talking fullness", "is not something that this skinny Jolie"), in order not to go crazy from the constant "condemnation of society." Change friends on the other, poorer. Then you can compare to the blue in the face because of you cooler them.
Take yourself? No problem. Just lower the bar for claims. The orchestrated a world where nothing reminds about your shortcomings and former ambitions to be dry and comfortable. Potentially - all life.
##Do not panic
Let an adult. This self-acceptance is as follows:
- You carefully look at yourself and within yourself, and then to the sides. Realize what you, including in comparison to the actual environment.
- Realistically assess the full horror of what he saw. You agree that now is such and no other.
- Try to take kindly to the fact of who you are, how to make a good, but not a stupid mother.
- Decide what so well (and will surely be good), you can not change (never or now), and you want to change, and you can.
- Getting changes.
- ...
- PROFIT.
Now look at how to manage these complex steps (whether they are simple, they all have long made) efficiently and without losses.
Normal ≠ bad
If you're familiar with "swing self" (ie you jump between the "I'm the king" and "I'm nobody" without appreciable buffer), this means that your self-esteem is inadequate. After the mass, we all have? Conventional. Not the gods and squalor. Normal people with the ins and outs, and you do not change your life until you accept that fact.
Quietly, modestly, without fatalism and tantrums tell yourself:
I am an ordinary man. In some ways I am better than some, something - is worse.
It's hard. "I am an ordinary" is equivalent to many "I goof", because the illusion of importance we have HERE ARE, and drop to the "ordinary" have far.
By the way, here it is so unloved by all comparison may even help. Compare yourself with friends. Those who share with you the hidden and not just a glossy version of his life in the film.
They also have problems at work. Also, has a weight and a beer belly. They too were thrown. They also rejected the plans and abandoned dreams, the realization of which has not begun. They do not Einstein, not Gates and supermodels. They, like you, most likely, there is a pack of stunning features, but there are very good traits for which you love them. And there are shoals, unpleasant but not terrible. They are the same as you.
Achieve what is important
Everyone wants to feel fine, the more the better and the mind helpfully feeding buzz for any achievement, even illusory. Did I pass level? Cool. Did I grab likes? Goddess.
Video games and social networks so addictive, because it gives a jump of self-esteem for anything, but (fortunately) life puts everything in its place. If you are tired of falling into the pit, "I am nothing" and run glittering heels of a new portion of likes, you need to understand one thing.
Self-esteem increases the real achievements in the fields important to you life. The only way. No other way.
If you care to look good and you will lose weight, or learn how to dress, or do finally teeth - you'll feel better. The main thing, these achievements will stay with you. Hundreds of pictures that you have done to get one more or less anything, this will not, no matter how many likes you or collected. The feeling that you get in the game, "bent" beginner, can not be compared with the completion of a complex project at work.
Do not get angry at themselves or others because you are unhappy. Why be satisfied? What have you done today to feel at altitude? If all the answers are reduced to what you eat (literally or figuratively), but not to the fact that cooked - things are bad.
By the way, for others.
Stop blaming others
There are people who have had a terrible childhood and monstrous parents. They (and some not at all), there are psychological trauma and blocks that ceteris paribus reduce the chances of a happy life. But most parents were normal and normal childhood, with good and bad mixed. And all one society, with its promotion of unrealistic standards of physical appearance and success.
It is not directly related to how your life looks now. It is not directly related to how your life looks now.
Even if you are my mother as a child said you fat (stupid, loser), you now how many years? Twenty-five? Thirty? Even if the roots of your complexes lie somewhere outside, you are an adult. Your life is in your hands, and if not - who bears the responsibility for this? Mom, is not praised? A society that crushes?
I know that the search for the children's injuries - a favorite strategy of psychologists, but even they will say that this is the best starting point. In the worst - it's a waste of time chewing on the past instead of the present work. Wait for the wizard, which will issue an advance praise for the achievements of non-existent or apology for the imaginary or real grievances - a dead end. In the gym for you still, no one will go, will not get a new job, do not learn the language, do not build relationships.
To live for you, no one will. And to die, too.
Pleasure + benefits + stream
A good mood is quite a simple formula: [desire] + [incarnation] = [pleasure]. Happiness - a little more complicated.
[Useful desire] + [incarnation] = [pleasure] + [use].
For example, the embodiment of the desire to eat a burger gives a buzz right now, immediately. The embodiment of the desire to eat something tasty and healthy gives a thrill (for those who know how to enjoy the taste of wholesome food) and health in the future.
To change bad habits for good, you need to gradually learn to enjoy the goodies, but not through force of will: it will not last long because the action through the "can not" - the stress and the brain will be in every way to avoid it in the interest of self-preservation. This is one reason why the diet is usually followed by a holiday gluttony. It is much better not to break yourself and changing circumstances in order to achieve the planned made easy.
Noticed how easy it is to go dancing classes, if there is a nice young lady to you? How do you want to run skipping the gym, if you fell in love and looking good for a loved one is so important?
This is the stream. Pleasant emotions interrupt the stress of doing something new and challenging.
Look for the ability to create a thread. Go to the gym with his beloved girlfriend. Publicly Set a goal (on the social network, for example) and publicly track the progress. Let your friends' comments support. Sign up for a training course, in the end. The goal of any good training - to create a flow. Just do not sit down at these training, as huskies. They are charged with emotions, but if this charge will go only in dreams, you wasted money and time. Feed should be caught and directed to useful work, only then will your life change.
Love yourself
It may seem that this is a paradox. How to Love a mediocre man who many shortcomings? To answer, enough to recall how the last time you fell in love. It is unlikely that the man was from the standard point of view excellent, but in the process of communication, he became one of you.
Loving yourself is necessary, not because you are the coolest, but because of you - it is you.Loving yourself is necessary, not because you are the coolest, but because of you - it is you.
Your life experience, character, body, relationships you have built with the world, unique, and that's all you have. Be yourself a friend, best, understanding and inspiration for more.
Yes, you have flaws, but many of them can be overcome, and you know very well how to overcome them. And those that are insurmountable, as a rule, not fatal. This is what is meant by the phrase "take kindly to the fact of who you are, how to make a good, but not a stupid mother."
Remember, almost all, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, live by inertia. People who in adulthood have made great strides, often can not describe how came to him. They just did what they wanted. They can rationalize and to remember how certain phrase or event prompted them, such as: "My father died early, and I set about trying to find a cure for his illness." But many fathers died too early, and not all became outstanding scientists. Just for this, "it happened".
The same applies to chronic losers. It happened. Even if their conscious decisions (few people decided to lie down and do nothing, but let's say) led to a miserable life, what good is itself to blame?
The main question for positive life changes - not "who is to blame" but "what to do".
With regular practice of the first two points (+ realistic perception of the real achievements of) self-love will gradually appear, because a) you accept your current way of life, which is created, and b) you will actively work on their improvement and development.
And this is all that man can do.