We have all seen or experienced first hand, the good intentions of a New Year’s resolution, only to last a matter of weeks or even days as our old ways creep back in and “ruin” our well meaning motives. I’m sure you’re familiar with the experience of slipping up once and feeling like a failure, then giving up altogether as the change you are trying to make seems just too inconvenient or uncomfortable to bother putting yourself through.
Why do people often find resolutions hard to stick to?
Like I discussed in a previous post on weight loss, I feel that this is due to our true motivation and intent for wanting to change in the first place. If we really examine our deepest feelings about the change we are proposing to make, we will find that in most cases we actually “enjoy” what we are proposing to stop doing, more than the prospect of not doing it. And that is the crux of the problem; most New Year’s resolutions are focused on stopping an “unhelpful” or “unproductive” behavior. However, if the behavior is so “unhelpful” or “unproductive”, then why do we “enjoy” doing it so much that the prospect of stopping feels like an ordeal?
Let’s take drinking alcohol as an example. Somebody feels that they are drinking too much alcohol, and that it may contributing to less than optimum health. So they decide they are going to make a New Year’s resolution to stop drinking on weekdays and only have one drink at weekends. This sounds, and is a perfectly positive and reasonable goal to aspire to, but what we are interested in is why a lot of people find this kind of thing so difficult.
I feel, and have found from personal experience, that it is our reasons for wanting to drink in the first place that are the core reason why it is so hard to stop. The reasons people drink alcohol are or course plentiful, but are often as some form of “release” or distraction from an aspect of life that is stressful or hard to deal with.
For example a lot of people need a few glasses of wine or beer to “relax” after a hectic day at work. The alcohol is therefore a tool by which a person copes with an emotional stress that they do not know or are having difficulty dealing with. So when the person decides to stop drinking in the New Year, they are obviously going to find it a challenge if they do not do anything about the stress that is the true motivation for wanting a drink in the first place. They come home from work, feeling stressed, but without the “numbing” or distracting effect that the alcohol has, they don’t know how to cope without their frustrations from the day and the “call from the bottle” becomes hard to resist.
How to make resolutions easier and even fun
As you may have worked out (if what I have said above makes sense) it is dealing with the underlying stress in your life that is driving the need for whatever unhealthy habit you are trying to stop, that is the essential step we need to take in achieving our new year’s goal. Without the presence of the stress that is fueling the attraction to alcohol or whatever other outlet your stress uses as a distraction, then it is relatively effortless to stick to a new year’s resolution as your focus is completely on the benefits of not drinking alcohol, rather than craving the numbing effect you used to need.
Rather than becoming a chore, the resolution becomes something to enjoy, as you can now focus on the benefits of drinking less alcohol, like feeling better within your body, getting ill less often than before and saving money to spend on things you actually enjoy, rather than stress coping mechanisms.
New Year’s resolutions really are an admirable and positive thing to undertake, that can seriously help change your life for the better if you get to the root cause of why you are indulging in an “unhelpful” behavior in the first place. (See my post on weight loss for tips on how to identify and address the stress in your life)
And it need not stop there; as you realize once you have changed one aspect of life for the better, it can feel natural to look for other things you could change, and what began as a new year’s resolution can become a year round thing, leading to happiness and growth you may not have thought possible.
Best wishes
Jack