Have you ever wanted to increase your influence on other people, make yourself more loveable and motivate people to rally around your opinion? Through some books and articles I read, here are the three advices I find more useful! Enjoy!
#1 Do not criticize other people
As far as you can think, do you ever remember of one time when a criticism you made to other people has really improve the situation? Or on the opposite, do you remember of one time a person made you feel bad by criticizing something you made, and that you had taken this criticism totally positively, and improved yourself like right away?
In fact, maybe you had improved yourself. But when you think of the person who criticized you, there is a lot of hard feelings. For example, in third grade when my math teacher said to me "if you go on like that, you are going to fail all your math tests and surely do again one more year of school" in front of the whole class, I decided that I hated him. He made me fail my test, of course, but the next year I made all my best to show him that he was not right, that I could make it. So yes, I improved myself but each time I think of him, it just makes me really (REALLY) angry and I clearly want to never see him again.
A critic may strongly discourage the person who receives it. Sometimes they can just lose their self-confidence and never feel anything towards you than bitterness, and that is not great if you still have something to do or live with this person.
Moreover, make a critic and complain about something is very easy, everyone can do that. But try to understand why the other person has acted like that and forgive them is more difficult and require a strong greatness of spirit.
#2 Compliment others
If you want others to make an action, you just have to create in them the desire to make that action. And everyone wishes to be accepted, beloved and showed importance. Do you see the link?
If you support someone, if you revive his enthusiasm about something, you will see the best of this person. It meets my first point: with critics you got nothing, with compliments you got everything! Hurt someone's self-love will not take you any further. You have to show your interest to the person you are talking with. Showing consideration to someone can really make someone feel better! And everyone wants to be congratulated, children or grown-ups.
Of course, I am not talking about flattery or something, but more about a true and honest compliment. It's like almost a new way of thinking and living, you will have to be more positive and optimist about other people. I think that we do not show enough admiration and respect for the actions that other people do in our daily lives. For example, when your dad takes the time to cook for you and you don't even bother to say something like "oh, it's yummy", he probably will not try to make something better the second time.
#3 Give reasons to others to follow you
Stop talking about what you desire to others. To them, it is quite not interesting. Everyone is interested in what they desire, but not on others' desires. Here, your only way to have influence on the person you are talking to it's to speak about what him desire and to show him how he can arrive at that.
All the actions that you have accomplished since your birth was motivated by your desires. So, to have an influence on someone to make something you desire, you will have to wake an idea of desire in them. It is the most difficult advice that I give you tonight, but with some training, it becomes more and easier. You have to ask yourselves: "how can I bring him to want what I am asking to him?" And for that, you have to put yourself in the other's place: what does he want from that situation? why? Then when you ask him, put an accent on the benefits he will gain from this action, based on what he desires, without talking about what you will gain from his action.
A good example is a curriculum vitae. Instead of talking about what you desire to gain from this job, talk about what the employer may desire ("you want to help the company to reach its goals",...).
I hope these little hacks will help you to be more successful in your next interactions!