I was scrolling through my Skin on Sundays Instagram feed this morning when I came across a poem by Christopher Poindexter that said: learn to inhale a little bit of chaos. He was referring to something more love-related in the full poem, but this section of it was speaking to me in a much more universal way.
It especially hit me because I spend several hours with a good friend of mine who is deciding between moving back to Mexico City or remaining living with her boyfriend in Salzburg, Austria. I'm not going to get into too many details, but the fact of the matter is that she is super depressed living with him because his parents clearly don't like her (in a sad Austria-is-better-than-Mexico way, for starters), and he doesn't ever tell them how their behavior toward her is hurting her, so it just perpetually continues. He just keeps saying, "those are my parents and they aren't going to change." Anyway, her whole future is in a state of complete chaos and she has no clue what the even close future holds for her. In other words, she is freaking out.
It really got me thinking because I also have a tendency to freak out when that level of uncertainty hits, all the while telling my friend that uncertainty is inevitable and what is right for her will become clear in its time. This is true, but it is so freaking difficult to deal with not knowing what is going to happen to you in some of the most sensitive areas of life, ie love, work, home. Still, when that level of chaos comes to pass for me again, I really need to remember the advice I gave her and apply it to myself, and remember this Christopher Poindexter's poem. What does it mean exactly to "inhale" the chaos? I think it means to breathe it in the same way that you breathe in air. To let it flow in your life as you let other things flows. I imagine trying to harness your reaction to uncertainties like this will make them so much easier to deal with (less anxiety and panic, because no matter the ultimate outcome of things, you always have the power to just be).
I guess that's all I have today, just figuring life out one tiny tiny thing at a time. I know it's working. I'm so much calmer now that I've ever been, continuously more self-aware as the years go by, and still just as open as I ever was, all very important qualities that I intentionally consider often. And if this tidbit of wisdom serves as news or even a reminder of letting yourself live in uncertainty when uncertainty comes to pass for others besides myself, all the better.
xo