Greetings steemians! Today I would like to talk to you about an issue that has had an immense negative impact on my life in the past-- narcissistic projection. Empaths such as myself seem to attract narcissists like a magnet. These people will seem like the most charismatic and charming people when you first meet them. You will be amazed that this person seems to like and dislike everything you do and almost view the world in the same way. You may even think that you met your soul mate or twin flame, especially if that person introduces you to the concept.
However, this is all an act as the narcissist is never their authentic self and as soon as the narcissist thinks they have you "hooked" they will then turn into a cruel and raging beast. The narcissist then becomes as mean and cruel as they were kind and loving before. This will then turn into a period where they alternate back and forth between extremes, wavering between being the greatest person you've ever met (when they are getting the validation they seek) to judgemental and demeaning. However, they will never apologize for their actions in the bad times. This is when you will start to notice the narcissistic habit of projection.
Projection is a subconscious defense mechanism where someone takes their own negative feelings they have about themselves and imagines that they belong to someone else. While many people are guilty of this to an extent, the narcissist take this to the extreme. Furthermore, they will only do this to those closest to them behind closed doors. These people need the validation of the exterior society and would never show their true face to the outside world.
This can become incredibly confusing to the person who is the target of projection. The narcissist will actually accuse you of what they themselves are doing. If you want to know what a narcissist thinks about themselves, just look at what they accuse others of. These people cannot deal with the cruel, mean, angry and weak person within them and will accuse you of being that. The biggest problem here is that they actually believe this.
Somehow, these people will minimize or completely ignore their own behavior. They will be justified for yelling and demeaning you for hours for something the neighbors did but you try to point out that there behavior towards you is abusive and unacceptable and somehow suddenly you are the abusive one. Them attacking you with weapons is not a problem but you are an abusive criminal when you shut the door on them. They will often resort to calling you mentally unstable, a liar, and manipulative. This is while they are becoming increasingly unstable, spreading lies and trying to manipulate people against you.
It is important to realize that this is not you. You must do what they cannot which is be true to your authentic, kind and loving self. It was these qualities that drew them to you originally as these are the qualities they know they lack. These experiences will leave you feeling drained as the manipulation and abuse is a ploy to vampirically drain your life energy like a leach.
The truth about themselves is what these people cannot stand. The best course of action if you find yourself in this situation is to cut off all contact with the person. You might think that you loved them but the person that you loved doesn't exist. Sever all ties immediately. However, do not expect the problem to end there. Since you know the truth about the narcissist they will likely be afraid you will expose them to other people and will seek to do anything in their power to destroy you. They will lie about you, attack you and act as if you did to them what, in fact, they did to you. Fortunately, the most fatal flaw in these people is that they truly think they are smarter and better than everyone else. They really think that everyone will believe what they say no matter how obvious it is to others.
Chances are good that these people will have little to no prospects for themselves and will seek to build a name for themselves by dragging you down and acting like they are the voice of the abused. Live your truth. Do not be afraid to tell the truth to the people that need to hear it. However, do not confront these people directly as they will attempt to drag you back into the old pattern. If they manage to get under your skin they will use this as evidence that they are the victim. Just go about building a happy life for yourself. Your actions will speak for themselves in time as will theirs.
The best defense against narcissists is the knowledge of the patterns of how these relationships develop. I sincerely hope that this helps someone who is going through what I went through and helps them stop before things go any further. If you find yourself in a situation such as this know that you are not alone. Good luck and happy steeming!