My name is KK. I am a teenage girl with ADHD, depression (possibly bipolar disorder), and a gifted level IQ. I recently realized that I may also have undiagnosed autism. My school is currently looking into the possibility, but they are doing so at the speed of a slug that has had salt poured onto it. (In other words, they were slow in the first place and just stopped at some point.)
It is very much possible that I have autism, but the fact that I have not been tested for it kind of baffles me. I've been seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist since the age of four for my ADHD and the fact that neither one of them has suggested that I might have autism or even looked into the possibility, especially since my 4 year old self's psychological analysis directly stated that I showed signs of autism, is just ridiculous. Someone who actually knew anything about autism would be concerned if they saw how ridiculously out of place I was around my own peers. I kid you not, I get along with adults better than I have ever gotten along with people who are my own age.
I scored a 37 on the AQ test (taken unofficially and online). Apparently, most people with high-functioning autism score a 35.
I even sometimes have a sort of mental breakdown where my brain just messes up everything; it's too loud and too quiet at the same time, I can't form a coherent thought to say what I want to say, and I feel completely and utterly helpless. I once asked an autistic friend of mine if he'd ever experienced this and he seemed to understand exactly what I was talking about. Other people don't seem to realize what it is when I try to describe it to them.
Next, there's the possibility of me having narcolepsy.
Since I take a central nervous system stimulant for my ADHD, if I have narcolepsy, it wouldn't be noticeable unless I stop taking my medication. Recently I didn't take it for a few days and I ended up being unable to stay awake at all without drinking at least two cups of coffee. I've also had a cataplexy once before, and quite often I have small, sudden involuntary muscle movements. I used to be able to function normally on 6 hours of sleep and not be tired; nowadays, no matter how much I sleep, I'm always tired (even if I can't sleep because of my ADHD medication). I suggested the possibility of narcolepsy to my mom (who, by the way, has a form of narcolepsy), and she said we should just wait a few days and then see a doctor. I never went to a doctor to see if it really was narcolepsy.
Finally, the fact that I literally had to scream it in the faces of some people for them to realize that I might be depressed is just outrageous. I'd already come to the conclusion that I had depression after reading everything I could about it, and I even found the type of depression that matched what was going on with me. My dad literally said to me, "You can't possibly have depression!" What kind of idiot thinks that teenagers can't have depression? Just because I'm capable of being happy for a short moment, it doesn't mean I'm not depressed; that's what atypical depression is! I was actually diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, or plain ol' depression, by my idiot of a psychiatrist, who can't even remember what dose of Concerta I take when I've been seeing him for ten years and I'd been on the same dose of Concerta for five.
The whole point of this entire rant is that people just don't seem to recognize when something has become a problem. If someone has noticed something different or wrong with them to the point where they think it's an issue, it should probably be investigated.
I also despise it when people say that I'm 'self-diagnosing.' A likely suggestion is not a diagnosis. Besides, what's the harm in worrying about potential problems that need to be fixed? Bringing me to a doctor to see if something is actually wrong doesn't hurt anyone.
Okay, I'm done ranting about this for now.
- KK