There is a saying that sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you. This isn't true. Psychological and emotional abuse at a young age can result in long-lasting negative effects into adulthood.
Many people think that only physical abuse needs to be of concern. Research published in March 2018 by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships demonstrates the negative effects of parental conflicts on the emotional processing of children. Children can become over vigilant, anxious and vulnerable to distorting neutral human interactions, leading to an inability to accurately read the emotions of other and to trust others. This results in an interpersonal adult life that is off-balance.
"The message is clear: even low-level adversity like parental conflict isn't good for kids" - Alice Schermerhorn, author of the study
99 children aged 9 to 11 were shown 90 photos of actors simulating emotional expressions as a couple (as preants). Photos were of the couples engaging in displays of being happy, neutral or angry. The children had to place these images into their respective emotional categories. They were also assessed on how much parental conflict they experienced at home.
Children that had low levels of conflict at home consistently categorized photos accurately, but those from homes with high levels of conflict are unable to accurately identify the neutral expression, categorizing them as either angry or happy, or didn't know where to put them.
According to the study, the inaccuracy attributed to high-level conflicting homes could be due to hypervigilance or that neutral interactions were less significant compared to the more obvious expressions of happiness or anger.
Perceptions of conflict as a threat can lead children to be more vigilant towards signs of trouble, understanding which expressions are troubling (angry) and which are not (happy), but being unable to know where to place less salient neutral expressions in terms of a threat or no-threat. Expressions on one side of the polarity or the other, anger vs. happiness, can signal to children that their parents are unavailable and cause them to retreat, or signal that they are available and will be have welcoming positive interactions.
Some children were more shy than others, and this characteristic demonstrated an inability to identify neutral poses, despite not being from high conflict homes. Even if the level of conflict was lower at home, they were more prone to being negatively affected by parental conflict. Shyness and feeling threatened by parental conflict lead to high levels of inaccurately identifying neutral expressions.
Even when there is no conflict directed at children specifically, experiencing conflict matters in child development.
Developing hyper-vigilance regarding interactions with others means someone will be more sensitive to potential threats, demonstrating exaggerated intensity and being more defensive as well as having increased level of anxiety. They will be on the lookout for threats from their environment and be prone to intense responses from stimulus.
Children who are less able to read neutral interactions can have a gap in perception of expressions which damage their experiences with others, like friends, peers, teachers, and future romantic partners as they get older.
Conflict is part of life. There is little chance of avoiding it. How we deal with conflict matters though, and how we deal with conflict can stem from childhood experience or trauma that reverberate into our adult life for years to come. As parents, we need to be responsible about how we engage in conflict, and help children understand that arguing doesn't mean parents don't care about each other. It helps when arguing is done calmly, without intense emotional outbursts. It's easier to work things out that way.
Thank you for your time and attention. Peace.
References:
- Parental Conflict Can Cause Lasting Emotional Damage to Kids
- Study: Parental conflict can do lasting damage to kids
Alice C. Schermerhorn. Associations of child emotion recognition with interparental conflict and shy child temperament traits. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2018; 026540751876260 DOI: 10.1177/0265407518762606 - Hypervigilance
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