For more than 20 years, in my counseling room, I have seen too many people's anxiety. The strange thing is that all the people are busy on the road, and they repeatedly read "Hurry up", and the procrastination is getting worse.
——The founder of Lin Zi’s psychological institution. Lin Zi
The anxiety of the whole people has become a social disease.
Parents are anxious for their children, children are academically anxious, bosses are corporate anxious, employees are performance anxiety, husbands are family wealth anxiety, and wives are marriage relationship anxiety...
I also saw a lot of people, desperately trying to make themselves excellent, always worried about what to miss, want to get rid of anxiety, but finally fell into the circle of hard work and anxiety, or under the pressure is not well resolved, more and more funeral, gradually transformed into Insomnia, depression, life is covered with a layer of gray.
It is like this, I have been studying a problem these years, what is the source of our anxiety? How can I not be anxious?
Fortunately, more than 20 years of psychological research, more than 20,000 hours of case time, and consultations with tens of thousands of visitors have allowed me to stand on a comprehensive level and look at such grievances and anxiety.
I understand that behind all the anxiety, in the final analysis, all point to the same problem - you have never dealt with your relationship: you don't understand yourself, you don't accept yourself, you don't let yourself go. The mind can't catch up, so the faster you go, the more you go wrong.
01.The hardest part of life, no one knows you.But you don’t understand yourself
I don't understand myself, so I keep looking outwards and I am confused. Tell me a story of my own.
In 1998, I founded the earliest non-pharmaceutical psychological counseling institution, Lin Zi Psychology, to provide suffocation for those who are confused and confused. The market elimination mechanism is very cruel, different voices begin to appear in the team, some people are confused about whether it should be more commercialized, some people worry about how to balance development and dedication, and sleepless.
But I am not too anxious because I know clearly that if I want to use it to make money, the foreign language and legal profession I have studied can be very profitable. If I care about profits, employees can pick up more orders. But if they want to sacrifice the quality of life for this, it is against my original intention, so I would rather let them live more calmly.
Many people say that I am too "pampered" by employees. At the annual meeting, I became the biggest "trash can". It seems that everyone has pressure and anxiety to talk to me. They ask me: Teacher Lin, I know that your pressure is the biggest. We can all fall to you, but who do you say to?
My trump card is, I really understand myself and know what I want, so I know what to say at the crossroads, what to do, even if it is difficult, my heart will no longer be confused and anxious.
For many years, many people I have met have learned a lot, but they don’t understand themselves:
I don't know myself, so in the face of life choices, I often get confused and choose the wrong direction.
I don't know myself, so I can only look around and make up for my inner hollow.
I don't know myself, so I am particularly eager for the affirmation and material satisfaction of others, and to improve the sense of existence and value.
But the psychological supply from the outside is fluid, uncertain, relying on such sources of power, work, life, social, emotional, and even the anxiety and pressure of any small thing, can easily disrupt your rhythm. Naturally, you can't be a day, a mess, you frown, I think this is the beginning of a bad life.
02.The most terrible thing in life is not failure.But you can’t accept yourself
I don't accept myself, I don't know why I am today's self, so I can't control my emotions, I can't unload pressure and worry.
Among my visitors, there is a sales elite who has just encountered a lot of problems that make him extremely anxious when he is promoted. In order to complete the performance, he personally went to the sales, but he was misunderstood by the leader and ignored his own team. The more overtime, the more complaints the wife had, the two quarreled constantly, he fell into sleepless nights all night...
I asked him: "If you over-achieve performance, who do you most want to see?" He is stunned. After thinking for a long time, I said, "My father...". You may also be very strange: What is the relationship with Dad?
It turned out that he has been living in Dad’s blows and denials since he was a child, and he always tried to prove himself to Dad. The promotion of the position has made him not only not confident, but also worried and doubted himself. In the face of his wife's complaints, he also instinctively repeated the pattern between parents - violent, not positive communication.
The lack of affirmative children, the replication of the original family's partner, the adult shadow of the trapped childhood... It is these “invisible” self that has led to the outbreak of many people's problems, and life has been hit with countless inexhaustible knots.
Mr. Yang Wei said: We have been looking forward to the recognition of the outside world. In the end, we know that the world is our own and has nothing to do with others.
do you understand? Seeing yourself and accepting yourself is always a more efficient and quicker way to adapt to the world than to torture yourself. Otherwise, the heavy-duty mask is full of load, the real part is covered up, and anxiety, anger and pain will occupy Your heart, drag your life.
03.The most tired of life, not running around,But you don’t let go of yourself.
Do not let go of yourself, so the more you work hard, the more anxious, the more anxious and confused, the more you worry about missing and losing something, worry about what will happen in the future...
My team and I have served more than 300 Fortune 500 companies, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and so on. I have found that people are faced with the same mental dilemma regardless of their social status.
In my consultation room, many visitors who come to me to talk to me can always count a lot of "problems" on their own:
Not satisfied with your habits, want to be more efficient, get up early, get up early, work and rest, have a long-term study plan
Dissatisfied with his appearance, I hope I will be a little taller, my eyes will be bigger, my skin will be whiter again.
Dissatisfied with his personality, best lively and outgoing, optimistic and positive, appealing and popular in the crowd
In addition, I have found that in these years, people with a sense of professionalism, self-motivation, and strong sense of responsibility are particularly reluctant to let go of themselves and ask themselves to be comprehensive, and they must not be motivated or imperfect. "Hurry," forcibly do a lot of overspending. I don’t need to be pressured by others, and I’m already out of breath.
Are you the same?
I am eager to get better, I want to handle everything in one step, and the more I do, the more I am anxious. The more you want to get better, the less you can focus on the present, or even hate yourself, and hate this "effort." And because the subconscious mind resists this endless sense of urgency, it becomes procrastinating, and the goals set are more and the frustration is stronger.
In the end, you will understand that more efforts have not made you a better self. On the contrary, you are constantly overdrafting yourself. You are getting farther and farther away from your life, and life is getting out of control.
04.There is no standard answer in a life without anxiety,Well-being, a little more than happiness
There is no standard answer in a life without anxiety, but dealing with your own relationship can make you feel certain when you are busy and pursuing. You can no longer panic and be confused. You can make real choices at key nodes in your life and make you live. Better.
Better life means that no matter what challenges you encounter, the external performance is more calm, not anxious, and there is sufficient security, confidence and determination to achieve a well-being state. Well-being, Chinese translates it into happiness, in fact it is a little more than the happiness expressed by happiness. It includes: health, satisfaction, acceptance, peace, and freedom of mind.
When you are in the state of Well-being, you will find that the life that is truly not anxious is not that we have found the answers to all the questions, but that we allow the problems without answers to exist, while accepting the limitations of being born.
Psychology master Honey said: If a person wants to grow up, he must pursue it while understanding himself and accepting it. The sooner you know yourself, the sooner the better, but it is not easy to really do it. Most people rely on their own strength to get out of it.
Psychology is one of the best ways to deal with self-relationship. It helps you to see that all your relationships with the outside world are actually the relationship between yourself and your past, present and future. Solve the relationship with yourself, and the problems of growth and development will be solved.
Over the years, I have had a strong desire to put more energy into the popularization of psychology and early education. I hope that I can let more friends have the opportunity to systematically learn a little bit of psychology that is useful to them, to see myself and to live with ease.
Therefore, I have gathered the psychological accumulation and training for 20 years of accumulation and thoughts into a clue. Together with my psychology, I recorded 100 psychology classes related to you and prepared more than 20 psychology for you. Technology and tools. I hope that after you finish your studies, you can get a lifelong benefit, you can better understand yourself, reconcile yourself, and live an anxious life in an age of anxiety.
▶ I will go through the four seasons with you
In the first season, I know myself, not blindly; the second season: develop myself, do not regret; the third season: beyond myself, not afraid; the fourth season: let go of yourself, not tangled. Take you beyond self-esteem, gain self-confidence, get rid of helplessness, learn optimism, stay away from anxiety, and find inner peace.
▶ Every season, I have prepared 5 weeks of topics related to you.
Carefully select the psychological stories that are most relevant to you, and use more than 20 psychological techniques and tools such as empty chairs, house trees, and self-portraits to help you learn what you are learning, systematically sort out yourself, and sort out your life. There will be an egg time every week, "knocking on" a question to interact with you.
▶ 20 years of consulting experience, 15 psychological genre knowledge
In the course, I will refine my 20 years of consulting experience. You will hear 20 genres and more than 100 core ideas and skills to gain a stronger and more solid mentality with more perspectives and broader perspectives. Basis of learning;
▶ Take a human mirror and see yourself from 100 real cases
I have screened 100 real stories from others from more than 10,000 consultation cases. You will perceive and explore your life by listening to the distress and confusion of others;
I hope that at the end of the course, you can close your ears and sleep peacefully. You can sit on your own little face and say with a smile: "I feel it, down to earth, looking up at the stars." I hope that 100 lessons will convey professionalism and love, and your life will be like a flower.