2017 started off great: a new job. As the year went on that job led to travel, experience, mind blowing sex, confidence and rediscovering my sense of passionate artistic expression. Of course there are hiccups. Meaning that things don’t go in our favor or perhaps more precisely, events in the real world don’t coincide with the story that we have crafted in our heads as to the way things should be going. For me that happen today in the form of not getting a paid holiday when I was led to believe I was going to be six months earlier.
But really that’s irrelevant. The real take away, the real win and the real reason I am taking the time to write this bLog rather than learning how to setup a DIY Azure Resource Manager and Powershell DSC is the process of how I turned todays anger into tonight’s positive energy. I feel it is important to share this because too often anger is something that flares up, presents us at our worst if handled on a superficial level and can lead to embarrassment due to our vulnerability when we are not in control of our own anger.
So I get the news that I would not be paid for the holiday I was forced to take (totally worth it by the way. Was with my son over the memorial day weekend and we shot off fireworks, went canyoning in Zion National Park, went to a restaurant where customers got swat on the butt with a wood paddle for not finishing their food, took an arduous trip down the overcrowded Las Vegas strip on a busy Sunday and then got treated to a Veterans buffet on Monday) and of course I get angry. I got angry because I felt I was misled and got ripped off. The reality however was that this particular recruiter/headhunter told me that it had been his experience if I marked hours down for the holiday and then the employer paid those hours, the hiring agency (his firm) would “look the other way”. The reality however was that the manager to whom I reported skyped me about how many hours I put down last week. Rather than leave this this topic to instant messaging, I walked over to her desk and relayed what was told to me last January by the recruiter. Her response was pithy: “He lied.” Despite this she went ahead and verified with her finance guy if his budget included paid holidays for contractors.
An hour later I get a text from said recruiter telling me to adjust my hours and to call him. When I do call him I am given a bunch of rigmarole at the end of which I simply clarify and ask explicitly:
“So am I hearing correctly that I will NOT be receiving pay for last Monday?”
“That is correct.” He responds.
“Well all I can say is that I am disappointed and I will make the amendments to my timesheet.”
When I login to the wondrously whacky world of PeopleFluent there is no clear method or instruction to adjust the timesheet so I give up and text the recruiter that I tried. Still fuming I have a meeting which I get through and unexpectedly end with a discussion about Kauai because it’s where I will be 5 days...and that’s where the simmering down began, so I guess I will start my list of steps.
Turning anger in to positive action.
Step #1: Simmer Down Now all that bullshit I just told you as to why I was angry, did it amount to a hill of beans? No, not really. I mean certainly the reader would could identify with the experience of being slighted, but to lash out because of a misunderstanding? That’s just stupid. Hence it has become my strategy just to keep quiet because words once spoken can never be taken back. I just count myself wise for remaining on task, focusing on my meeting (call me an ideologue but regardless of what happens outside I always make it a point to remain professional and support my team with 110% razor sharp focus. I military sometimes. Can you tell?) and then being treated to the reality that in 5 short days I will be on a tropical island in the middle of the pacific amidst waterfalls, fresh pineapple and a local rum factory.
My deliverables in hand I return to my desk to work on edits and the rest of the day seems to go by rather quickly. As 5pm rolls around I can’t wait to get home and go to the gym.
Step #2: Tame afflictive emotions through physical activity Seriously this is the biggest no brainer IMHO. I say that because I know people in their 40s who still make it a point to slam doors, punch holes in walls and throw tantrums just because they are angry. From my perspective those are immature behaviors designed to reap attention rather than be authentically expressive with their emotion. In other words, rather than communicating anger, the only thing tantrums accomplish is that other people know you are angry and that you lack the coherent ability to control your shit. When I say I go to the gym, I am not being sanctimonious. I am saying that it is completely unimportant if I am not understood while I am in the height of anger. Instead I direct that unproductive energy toward running or lifting weights. But then again I could be way off. You tell me which is better: destroying property in a rage or raging on some weights and getting stronger in the process?
Following my workout…I mean seriously, this reads like a predictable novel, I DO feel so much better. My thoughts are so much CLEARER and I am aware of how much more productive my thought process is. I drop my sweaty workout clothes off at home and head out for dinner.
Step #3: Apply strategic thinking to the situation
Yeah what is the big picture, the goal, the win that makes the reason why you’re being productive in the first place? What’s that thing that makes it all worth it? For me there is the basic “every man” approach where my internal dialogue is: I do it for the check and I do it for my family. But after experiencing 3 years of spiritual growth the dialogue goes a bit deeper: I do it because I earnestly believe that good karma is the right thing to do. My life is more than this manifestation and what I do in this moment will reflect in a spiritual life that will far outlast me. (that’s not agroov-a-licious platitude begging for a Facebook Like, that actually is my internal dialogue)
Heading home I decide to write this bLog because I am amped and I don’t want to gloss over an emotion that people tend to work past because it makes them feel vulnerable. Whereas my past contained the neurotic expressions of anger through reacting immediately, confrontation and unproductive behavior, my present now includes simmering down, conversation and reminding myself of the bigger spiritual picture that I want my life to exemplify.
In conclusion, it is SO EASY to tell someone “don’t be angry”. But that never does any good because it does not validate the persons emotions and how they came to arrive at their angry state. If one can be an ear for someone the best thing to do is to simply listen and repeat back what you heard. Or if you’re like me, validate your own anger through self-dialogue and have positive strategies to look forward to as a positive expression for the anger. In doing so it has been my experience to reap a reward from such positive expressions rather than the embarrassment, damaged property and buried feelings of afflictive emotion that stem from negative expressions. After all truer words were never spoken when reciting the adage: “Anger is like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die.”
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