53 Dating Tips for the Introverted Dude (Part 1 of 3)

INTRODUCTION

This long-ass piece goes out to all the single, introverted guys out there.

Why single? Seriously, this piece is NOT for you if you're in a relationship. Here, watch this cat wrestling video instead, and f*ck off.

Why introverted? Because I am one*, and I realised that many of the tips out there works better for extroverted men. I also observed many of my single introverted friends do have the girls of their dreams on their radar, but just don't know how to make the first move. Yeah, I know dating can be dauntingly overwhelming for some guys, and I feel the same too, especially after my divorce. Low confidence, hopeless piece of crap, feeling like a failure just didn't help, so combined with my introvertedness, I was a mess. But I was lucky to have friends helping me out.

*If you know me in real life and don't believe I'm an introvert, then sorry to disappoint, but I am one. Maybe I just fooled you with my act?

Why guys? Well, girl, I wish I can help you with some tips, but let's just say hopefully by the end of these 53 tips, you will have Mr. Right making the right moves into your heart. Of course, I'm not gonna stop you from reading the tips (and screen them for sleaziness), and I would even welcome your feedback in the comment below.

Oh yeah, no one tip is in sequence of another (unless specified), neither one trumps another too. Pick one that is comfortable for you, and take action. I can give you 4867 more, but until you take action, it ain't gonna help you. At. All.

#1. Respect the girl.

And this I really mean it, because this is not a guide to help you pick up chicks for one night stand. This is for those who wants to have a fulfilling relationship with another girl, maybe it be as a companion, a best friend, or perhaps someone you may even want to marry one day (but please, don't tell her that on the first date.)

So, if you're looking for a fast f*ck, go read something else, and I don't even want your upvote. #dick

#2. Not all girls are the same.

This is to prevent you from entering the first date with pre-judgements. Sure, there are certain characteristics that you can expect, but avoid putting them into boxes and labelling them. Nobody likes that.

#3. Identify at least five topic areas that you are genuinely interested in.

As an introvert, I'm gonna assume impromptu speaking is not your strong suit, so as much as possible, try not to wing it. Pick five areas of interest that you can really talk about, and ideally (although not compulsory) there are things are girls will enjoy listening about to. Travel, food, books, nature, music, creative works, social issues, social psychology, philosophy (be mindful that not all girls are deep conversationists though) are some that I can think of, but feel free to explore.

Oh yeah, if sports and boardgames are your thing, don't rule them out. You'll never know that the girl may actually secretly be a fan.

#4. Know your strengths, and play by your strengths.

Just like not all girls are the same, you and other dudes are not build the same too. Identify your strengths, and it's not about asking you to brag about it. Rather, demonstrate it. If music is your thing, don't be afraid to pick up the guitar or sit down at the piano and play a couple of tunes. If poetry is your thing, write a few lines for her on a napkin. If mentalist is your thing, play it with her friends (and not her first. Check tip #41.)

#5. Ask good questions.

"Did you like your salad?" Bad question, because it's a Close-Ended question, which usually gives you Yes, No, or Okay…

"I noticed that you went for your salad first before anything else. Is there are reason for that?" Now, that's an Open-Ended Question, which stimulates conversation. Plus, telling her that you notice her action/behaviour is a good thing, because girls generally like guys who are attentive to details. Just don't go crazy batshit stalker mode please. Even I would bitch-slap you if you do that.

Side note: Girls that are more introspective enjoys philosophical questions more than girls that are, well, "surface". Let's face it, some girls like to talk more about shopping than their dreams, food than their future, and that bitch-at-work than their inner thoughts. And I'll admit, because I'm geared towards women who are more insightful, I can't really share much on the other. One is not better than the other; it's just a matter of preference.

#6. Shut the f8ck up!

After asking the question, shut the f8ck up! Yes, I just need to repeat that.

Allow her time to think and structure her response, because please know that the girl could be just as nervous as you. There's no need to give her prompts; respect her time that she takes to give you a good answer to your good question.

#7. Get comfortable with awkward silences.

About shutting up and keeping quiet, get comfortable with it. Sometimes the girl just want to be quiet with her thoughts and observation for a while, and you can just look out and get into your thoughtful mode too. Usually, she will be the one asking what you're thinking about, which is a great opportunity for you to share your thoughts at the moment.

#8. Be Helpful. Be Honest. Be Humble.

Helpfulness is good, because you are adding value to her. If she mentioned that she needed something, get it for her. If she mentioned about certain challenges she has, Google some stuff and send to her.

Honesty is the best policy, so even if you are trying to score her, you don't need to patronise her. Just be truthful about your emotions and words, and she will respect you for that.

Humble, well, because nobody likes a dick. Period.

#9. Introvert doesn’t mean no confidence.

Introverted dudes are generally more reserved, in touch with their feelings and thoughtful, so when you compare yourself with your extroverted friends, don't think for a second that they are more confident than you. Self-confidence is going to lead you to becoming charismatic, so be sure of your abilities, your strengths and your accomplishments. Girls like the man she's going out with to have a spine.

#10. Don't be afraid to make a stand on things you believe in.

Having a spine also means you will voice out on causes and believes you stand for. If you disagree with something, don't start an argument by all means, nor get defensive. Make use of your thoughtfulness and tactfulness to state your argument in a peaceful way. Keep emotions out of it, and cite facts, research and results. Also, know that the girl, just like you and everybody else, is entitled to her own opinion. Respect that, and use your innate ability to sense tension to know when to back off.

#11. Don’t tell a joke, but use humour.

Please, don't ever start with "Let me tell you a joke", because when you tell it and she doesn't laugh, you'll become the joke.

Telling a joke can be stressful, especially if you're not sure if people will get your punchline. Instead, choose to tell stories, and if the girl laughs at it, then it's a joke. If not, it's just a story.

Being humorous means being able to laugh at things, especially yourself, and girls usually like guys who have a good sense of it.

#12. Pick your Bond girl

You know how James never fail to draw attention of every one in the room, especially the ladies, if she's with the girl? It's the law of natural selection, really.

Here's how it works: If you go up to the girl on your own, she will feel see you as less attractive. But the moment you ask your hot girl friend (who may have friend zoned you years ago) to enter the club with you and hang around you, that same girl that you like, psychologically will find you more attractive.

It's simple: your hot girl friend just elevates your value as a male, and that's attractive. It's based on Darwin's law, the more desirable one person is, the more datable he becomes.

#13. Get an extroverted wingman.

Failing to get a hot girl friend, you can always solicit help from a good friend who's an extrovert. Get him to make the first move to start a conversation, and use the classic Barney Stinson move of "Have you met [Insert your name here]?"

#14. Watch that chat length.

Chances are before your meet up, you'll be chatting with your dream girl on the phone, usually by text. Here's where you need to be mindful, because the moment your floodgate opens, you may tends to chat endlessly. Now, while it's good to share you feelings and thoughts, but on her screen as she scroll backwards, she may take your heavy amount of text as talkative or needy.

However, when she sees that her texts are more than yours, she will feel:

She is comfortable talking to you.
She needs to get you to talk more because she's talking to much about herself.

Many girls will deny this, but try it out.

Extra tip: make sure she's the last one to drop the last text to end of conversation. Psychologically, it will open a loop in her mind that the conversation hasn't ended yet (since she got no "closure") from you.

#15. Go beyond looks, and aim for connection.

Men are men, so it's natural for us to be attracted to a girl for her looks, especially in the initial stages. However, for the long term game, try to find a strong bond or connection, because while there are tons of Korean plastic surgeons around, eventually you will find the prettiness fade.

What stays, however, is her beauty, and that's what you need to connect with.

#16. Manage your expectations.

Before any dates, you will have your fantasies (and no, if I know you being the introverted dude that you are, it's hardly sexual) on how the encounter will turn out. Learn how to manage that expectations, because there are many things that you cannot control. You may want the date to never end, and even planned surprises, but do know that she may have her own expectations of the date, and you need to respect that.

Get prepared, but don't get pushy.

Ok, this is the end of Part 1 of this 3-part series.

WTF Mav! Three parts?!?! Hey, it's over 6,299 words, and we've not even a quarter through the list!

Chill, you've been single for a while, you can go through the 16 total, and probably wait another 24 hours for the next load of tips.

Oh hey, here's the link to part two.

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