Whenever someone tells me that I have a generous and kind heart, I honestly do not know how to react, I don't really see myself as someone who is altruistic nor do I think that I have a kind heart because at times my heart is full of hate and annoyance on certain kinds of people that I try my best to avoid. The world is large enough to not be around people I don't like.
I would like to think that those are remnants of my full-on Sith Lord days when my priority is me, myself and I. Not really altruistic behavior if I might say so myself.
Yet here I am mere hours away from the 12th year of gift giving that we do for 
The Early Years
I remember back in High School on our Sophomore year we had this outreach program that the Benedictine monks were handling, where we would be sent to a poor community and spend a weekend there. This was called Immersion, a day in their life.
We would forage and chop wood for the stoves, carry water from the river, do household chores and most of all talk to people about their lives.
It was a profoundly humbling experience and one where no one was treated specially. Some of my classmates were well off and so doing these kinds of things shocked them especially the no toilet situation, you had to use a communal outhouse.
Although 2 days might seem long and the majority of the kids wanted to go home and go back to their spoiled lives. Some were deeply changed and started their path to servitude and voluntarism.
I was not one of those kids.
Cynical Mave
To understand my psychology we have to back to my formative years as growing up I was taught to despise the poor as the concept that they were lazy, always looking for a handout or quick buck and was generally having large families that they cannot support.
Children begging in the streets are to be ignored and my Matriarch was not into charitable works because she was too busy working and building her empire.
It was the belief of my matriarch that over 80% nay 90% of the street children have been high on rugby.
Rugby is a water proof adhesive popular in the Philippines not just for glueing things together but also as a cheap means of getting high.
A cap full of the substance will be placed in a plastic bag and sold for 1 Peso or about $0.01 cent!
A way for them to forget their hungry stomach, their itchy skin and whatever pain they are feeling, It is a way for them to escape their dismal lives as they float away with their happy thoughts until they get down and feel miserable until their next sniff.
Another concept that she placed in my head is these beggars are all under the employ of crime syndicates and by giving them money you perpetuate the cycle of stealing or buying babies to be used as props.
It didn't help when one time that I gave a burger it got thrown back to my face because they wanted money not food.
Now because of those biases most people treat these kids like they are invisible. That they are worthless.
College Years
I was at this time, interning in a Psychological hospital. I knew that they needed to be strapped in, given otherwise they might hurt other people or themselves.
It was something I did not do as a vounteer but rather as a means to earn credit.
Again I was not that kind man.
Professional life
I was young, dumb and broke. I was interested in having fun and furthering my career. So charity and all those initiatives was something I was not interested. Well, all before she came into my life.
She was smart, beautiful and had strong beliefs in what she wanted to do with the world. She was infectious with both her smile and thinking. I used to joke that she could sell sand to the Arabs once she turns on the charms.
I still facepalm when I remember one of the first things I told her. She was wearing a low cut blouse that day and had a pretty necklace. I remember walking up to her and stopped and gazed at the necklace and I told her how pretty it was and suits her.
I got a dagger look for my efforts as she thought I was checking her breasts. Well, not going to lie as they are magnificent!
I eventually recovered for that and one of many things we did was help in creating
It is no secret that
I can already imagine the first set of graduates of college from Banawen Primary School,some of them taking over the account so that it remains sustainable.
So it was her that gave me her heart in order to save a lot of people.
She gave me this heart that is moved by when I see someone need help. A heart that cares for the poor, the forgotten, the abused and indigineous.
It is the greatest gift that I have received because it enabled me to be an emphatic human being. So I still feel weird when people tell me that I have a generous and kind heart.