Yes its true, men being abused by women has been normalized, its even seen as comical to some. The fact is this isn't something new, its has been present in our society for quite some time. A bold statement i know, but lets look at some evidence shall we?
Trigger Warning
The topic of "Domestic Violence and Abuse" can be triggering to some people. This article, images and videos are related to the subject and if adversely effected by this subject it may be of consideration when deciding to continue reading this article.
At The Core
What has sparked this article is a snippet from the Australian television show "Married At First Sight" which caused a stir recently. The short story is that one of the female participants "went to town on" (abused) one of the male participants. This was witnessed by the crew, recorded and happily televised on national television without it being seen as an issue, that is until some of the shows viewers expressed their disgust in the behaviors seen within the episode. For more info on this incident please click the following link to get the 411: "Married At First Sight"
Where To Start?
The first thing we should consider is the societal structures and psychological constructs which facilitate the behaviors we are about to delve into. The most prominent being Hegemonic masculinity, but what is it and how does it work ?
Hegemonic masculinity
In gender studies, hegemonic masculinity is part of R. W. Connell's gender order theory, which recognizes multiple masculinities that vary across time, culture and the individual. Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes powerful men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man. Conceptually, hegemonic masculinity proposes to explain how and why men maintain dominant social roles over women, and other gender identities, which are perceived as "feminine" in a given society.
What this means is that there is a set of "rules that make a man, a man" , this is what one must do to "be a man" and if not then one is less than and treated as such. Being tough and strong, being able to "take it", "boys dont cry", etc. These are all socially supported and reinforced constructs which define "being a man", thats right, that means that many of us perpetuate these ideals and behaviors by accepting the concepts put forward by Hegemonic Masculinity, and thus begins the normalization process.
Social Experiments
There have been a number of social experiments posted to YouTube exemplifying the differences between social reactions to abuse when perpetrated male to female and then female to male. These experiments seek to find the social perspective of violence and abuse between the sexes and the results speak to the mindset of society.
When abuse is carried out upon men by females the onlookers have minimal intervention response, however, they do laugh, smirk, film on phones (laughing), some even assist in the violence as can be seen in the footage below.
But Why Is It So?
Some of these videos have brief interviews with onlookers , their rationalizations speak to the issues at hand. From basic ideas that "He must have deserved it", "He can handle it" right through to "He must be soft (ie not a man)", it all leans on the preconceived notion of "being a man" and therefore falls into the concept of the Hegemonic Masculinity.
It is easily said that men do it to each other, the locker room talk, competitiveness and machismo all driving factors within the construct. however, a key element of understanding is that it also reinforced by females as well... it is society "as a whole" endorsing the concept.
It should also be noted, the learned behaviors of this dynamic between males and females can mean it is ripe for abuse by women. That is, knowing there is to be little to no consequences for their abusive behavior towards men, but knowing full well that self defense or retaliation will lead to aggressive interventions and possible legal repercussions for males, as is seen in the first video, presents a position of power for some women... and that power can be abused.
Some Anecdotal Evidence
While studying psychology we (the students) had mandatory core modules for completion of the degree, one of which was "Domestic Violence and Abuse". The module covered a variety of types of abuses form physical, psychological, financial, emotional and much more. The majority of the module covered these abuses from the perspective of male abusing females, as the statistical value of reported cases indicate males as perpetrators of abuse/violence against women as far more prominent than the other way around.
In the penultimate lecture (12 weeks per module) the lecturer covered abuse and violence against males. The professor told us much of what is being covered in this article, the perception of "man being tough", police not taking reports of violence against men seriously, non reporting of instances due to knowing they wont be taken seriously, men being removed from the home even though the woman was the aggressor, emasculation, cases resulting in deaths, and an overall lack of seriousness to the issue of domestic violence against men.
Towards the end of the lecture the professor shared a story about on of his friends who had experienced abuse and domestic violence as a male from his wife at the time. There were no major discrepancies in the relationship, it just wasnt working out between them, but as the relationship broke down she became aggressive and bitter. She took to the mans business suits with scissors destroying them all and also putting shrimp among all his clothes, this being one of a hand full of behaviors of this kind. police were called, but not taken seriously, etc.
What struck me the most was that the professor was laughing about it (as were many of the students) as he was telling the story, making jokes at the expense of his friend's misfortune, emasculating, minimizing seriousness, etc... Raising my hand after the anecdote, i asked if he was not perpetuating the issue, just as he had mentioned in the lecture, by presenting the story the way he did.
While pleased a student had retained the information from lecture, it was clear that the professor was not thrilled to have the hypocrisy highlighted. At this point a hand full of other students also expressed this opinion, some of them told stories they had knowledge of on the subject that were truly horrifying, and just for perspective there were 3 males in the class including myself and the professor.
I think what this highlights is, that even though we may have the knowledge and experience (just as the lecturer did), the conditioning is so strong and well ingrained is can be hard to put into practice in a real world setting (the joys of science). It also illustrates the status quo is real and considerably strong when it comes to tackling the issue... also see the Asch Experiment video below for more understanding. However, all it takes is a little resistance, someone to speak up and the walls come down, the tides change and the spell is broken.
Conclusion
We have been conditioned, through a considerable amount of reiteration, that abuse against women is wrong, when we see it as a society we can identify it and intervene. However, this consideration does not seem to be extended to males experiencing abuse due to a number of social constructs/perspectives, hegemonic masculinity, etc.
The fact is that abuse of any form can be detrimental to any beings existence male or female, old or young, and even in other species. What we need to understand is that it is the "abuse itself" which is unacceptable, regardless of the setting and semantics involved.
Unfortunately, this is not the world we live in, the social norms dictate worthy victims and those who are not, where abuse can be considered acceptable behavior for some and not others. This can be observed in real world setting experiments (videos above), in various forms of media (article which influenced this article), and even from those teaching others about the dangers of these issues (anecdotal evidence). As such it is evident that Women Abusing Men Is Normalized In Our Society.
The take away from this observation should be that abuse, in any form, is something we must become educated about, learn to identify it, draw that line in the sand, separate it from any preconceived notions we may have, don't let society minimize its impact and most of all do not stand for it.... because no matter who or what it is effecting... abuse should never be normalized in any way.