I created a women’s group some time ago with the intent of creating a safe space for women to share themselves, their questions, and gain support. What I did not know at the time was my idea of a ‘’safe space’’ was ‘’no one is to get hurt (emotionally) in here.’’
When women would become hurt by others in the group, I would get scared and react by doing what I could to smooth things over. When women became aggressive or emotional or nasty - it would trigger a fear in me and I would react impulsively by deleting, blocking or refraining the women from acting in ‘’such a manner’’ because it was going against ‘’what I wanted’’ in the group. Women wanted to express themselves - but to me ''expressing yourself'' could not be trusted because with so many women of all different backgrounds, mindsets and beliefs system it was not guaranteed that: what was going to be shared or debated would be healthy and supportive.
So I became (what I felt like I was) a dictator of an admin in the group -- controlling and trying to make the group to what 'I' wanted it to be - yet it was based on an ''ideal'' and not what reality was showing me. This caused conflict within my team and over time, I realized it was impossible to create the safe online women's group I had in mind.
I found from all of this, the best and most safest place in the world has to be created within us first, but sometimes with the extent of our thoughts and self-judgments, it seems like even in our own hearts we are not safe.
For me, I feel most safe in journaling and Self Forgiveness. Some people find their safe space in meditation, breathing, church, therapy, and/or prayer, which is awesome. If you have a safe space you'd like to share with me, let me know!
(More on this point to come)