Years ago, when I was a young adult admittedly I didn’t have a lot of friends, not because I was an unkind person, but instead because I believed I was shy. I later found out through a lot of research how to overcome my shyness that I actually suffered from social anxiety.
When you suffer from social anxiety you have an unreasonable or excessive fear or discomfort in social or performance situations. You anticipate that you will be judged by others, you worry that you’re not as smart, funny, interesting, or as creative as others, and will make a bad impression or do something embarrassing even when socializing with your trusted close circle of friends and acquaintances. So you, like I just try to blend in with the crowd, hoping no one will notice that you haven’t contributed anything noteworthy.
Other common symptoms of social anxiety include an constant intense anxiety that does not go away, and can manifest itself as fear, a racing heart, blushing, sweating, a dry mouth and throat, difficulty with swallowing and muscle twitches. While I was never aware of intense anxiety while alone or with my family, I did notice that when it came to life events such as speaking up while in school or applying for a job, my heart would race, and I had difficulty swallowing, and I blushed, boy did I blush!
Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the United States today that affects 15 million Americans in any given year. It is a treatable condition, as I can attest to.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that there are viable treatments available for those that suffer from a more serious form of social anxiety that includes medication, cognitive therapy, and/or a combination of both. Fortunately I had the least severe case as I didn’t have to undergo any therapy or take any medication to alleviate my symptoms, but instead merely had to change the way I talked to myself, particularly in regard to how I perceived what others thought of me, and how I approached certain situations. Simply put, I was able to self-help myself with reverse positive thinking.
- How to overcome social anxiety
If you are so shy and/or suffer from social anxiety that it adversely affects or will affect your life, you need to tackle this disorder head on. I cannot stress how important this is. Thinking back, I figured out that my social anxiety would become a real handicap if I didn’t correct it. I won’t tell you that this is an easy road either, because it’s not. But if you are like me and recognize that you suffer from this disorder take steps to solve it right away so that it doesn’t get worse so that it can’t and won’t do irreversible damage in your personal life, your career, and your social relationships.
One of the ways I did this was by modeling my behavior after others that were successful. One incident comes to mind. I had taken a job with a local mortgage company years ago. Although I didn’t have any experience, I learned during my interview with the broker that I didn’t need experience. I was assured that I would get training from the broker himself and my co-workers.
Imagine my surprise when I arrived for work the first day and was given a desk, a phone, and a couple of files that I could ‘work”. I sat there in disbelief. How could they trust someone who had no experience with one of the largest investments others would make? Looking back, I imagine that the broker had more confidence in me than I had in myself.
I recall being so filled with anxiety and fear that I went into the restroom and cried my eyes out, and in between crying I had realized that I had a decision to make, either I could quit the job on the spot or I could stay and mimic my co-workers. If they could do this, I could too. I mean, I knew that I was relatively intelligent and could learn quickly, all I had to do was just have more confidence in myself. I dried my eyes, splashed cold water on my face to hide any evidence of tears and decided to stay. I took the position if I was successful great, and if I failed, well, I failed but it wouldn’t be the end of the world So in a split second, I made the decision that I would not just quit, but instead I made a conscious decision that I would succeed, and guess what I did! I simply studied as much as I could, mimicked what my co-workers did, and asked a lot of questions.
When I opened myself up to others, and not being shy or anxious about asking questions so as not to appear dumb, I learned that no one knows everything, but they weren’t afraid to admit it. As time went on, I continued to grow in my career because I worked hard on not worrying what someone would think of me when I asked a question. Because I had to speak to homeowners and potential homeowners, my confidence was boosted because they saw me as an expert in mortgage financing.
As I learned more and more, I found my confidence level building, and any self-doubt eventually disappeared. After working for this particular broker, I was contacted by a headhunter of the largest bank in the United States. They had heard of me and wanted to offer me a job as an underwriter. Again, while the prospect of being an underwriter was exciting to me, initially I called into question my ability, but threw caution to the wind, and applied and got the job.
I worked for that particular bank for many years, and eventually became their Senior Underwriter where I was responsible for thousands of mortgage findings a year. I had to have confidence in my ability, question without hesitation, and remind myself every day that I was just as good as the next guy if not better.
Believe it or not, I still tell people I’m shy, but I’m not, I just deal with my social anxiety on a different level with me in charge. If you suffer from this disorder, my advice is this: never undermine yourself, tell yourself you’re great every day. Remind yourself that you’re smart, every day. Tell yourself that no one is better than you, everyone has to put their clothes on the same way you do every day. If you don’t know, don’t be afraid to ask questions; they say there is never a dumb question, and I can attest to the fact there isn’t. And most importantly never give up, ever! You must believe in yourself, laugh at yourself and reward yourself every day. With little steps, you will get over your social anxiety disorder.
