I know this one has a lot of words, but it took me a long time to write and edit. Thanks again for reading these and for any feedback. :)
If you can't run, you walk. If you can't walk, you crawl. If you can't do that.... you find someone to carry you.
Firefly is my favorite TV show ever. Joss Whedon is an artistic genius who brought us some of the most incredible cinematography of our age. But this post isn't about Joss Whedon, or even Firefly.
In Firefly, during the episode entitled "The Message", this quote is said by Captain Malcolm Reanolds to a soldier he knew from the war. I won't spoil anything for the few people who have yet to see the show.
This quote popped in my head today and it got me thinking. Now, I have all sorts of crazy ideas all the time, but this one in particular stuck with me.
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You can't really teach someone to fully grasp the impact of mental illness on a person. You can show them the charts, graphs, and testimonies, but in order to understand what actually goes on in someone's head, one must experience it.
Believe me, I've suffered through years of severe depression and anxiety, and the only people who I know that are fully capable of grasping the negative effects of mental illness are those who have lived it through their whole lives.
But the issue I was pondering today was not of the psychologists themselves, but the institutions where families send their "disturbed" children. These institutions prey on rich families who's children have mental issues all in the name of bettering the future of their patients' potential.
Not all of these institutions are full of corrupt men and women trying to make a bit of money off of a child's expense, but the point remains: there aren't safe places for people to go when they're experiencing difficulties.
Think about it: how many times have you heard the words "if you or a loved one are struggling with depression, get help." Get help where? Depression, aside from cutters and past suicide attempts, leaves no physical evidence. So how exactly is a doctor supposed to diagnose a patient with depression?
When I was diagnosed with depression, I looked like I had every other day.
To make my point, I'm going to tell you about my experience with being diagnosed.
I had lost all control and tried to jump off of a ledge, an act I don't remember. I was taken code 3 (sirens) by an ambulance while strapped down in a stretcher (this I remember) to a hospital. I had volunteered to go on the recommendation of my friends and they called at least fifteen police and medical personnel to escort me. Something like that only makes the mental state of the patient far worse. I then was taken into a room, where I waited for two hours almost.
Then the social worker came in. Our conversation went something like this:
Social Worker: Why are you here?
Me: I came here because I could not contract for my safety. (I explained in more detail what had happened leading up to this)
Social Worker: You seem sad but stable, you're free to go.
The doctor, someone I had not even spoken to, then handed me my discharge papers which said I was diagnosed with depression. I didn't get to speak to someone about what was going on, about how I was feeling, or how I could cope. Of course, I had found my own ways after living with depression for a few years by that point.
But back to the point, there was neither care nor concern displayed. I was discharged and labeled a flight risk, forced to wear a wrist-band for the remaining 24 hours.
I want to create a place where people of all ages and levels of distress can come to heal. This would be a non-profit run by volunteer psychologists and workers who want to help restore some semblance of a normal, happy life for those who have forgotten what happiness is.
I don't know how I would get started doing this except by talking to my friends who are psychology majors as well as psychologists who have experienced the same struggles.
I've stopped enough people in the act of trying to kill themselves. I'd like to stop it preemptively and permanently.
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All images used were free to use commercially.