Hi, Steemit :)
Today, I'd like to share what I've learned about attachment theory. It's a theory that's discussed a lot, but I feel that the writing on the subject often falls short of what this actually means for parenting. How do we promote a secure attachment with all of the conflicting advice and evidence out there? What causes insecurity?
I also recommend reading parts one and two of this post on infant neurodevelopment and the hormones oxytocin and cortisol, as I think that they set the context for thinking about attachment quite well. The attachment system develops when the brain is growing at it's fastest rate- this has a big influence on how our brain develops and how we experience relationships throughout our lives.
So, what is Attachment Theory?
Attachment Theory was originally developed by John Bowlby in the 1950's and 60's from his work with young people. Bowlby began to think of our relationship with our primary caregiver from an evolutionary perspective; as a mechanism for survival. When we are born, we are extremely vulnerable; it makes sense to stay close to our caregiver in order to stay safe, so we develop strategies to ensure that we do. These strategies manifest themselves as attachment behaviours.
Now, babies (obviously) don't have conscious awareness of this- it is facilitated by a number of physiological processes; an important part of this includes the key hormones cortisol (a 'stress' hormone), and oxytocin (a hormone that makes us feel safe, secure and well) which is released when we have contact with people that we feel close to. They're like yin and yang- they can't usually exist in high quantities at the same time. There are all sorts of other processes going on, but for simplicity I will just use these hormones as an example.
The attachment system
A really important thing to remember is that the attachment system is only activated when the baby (or adult, for that matter) perceives a threat or has a need. This might be a threat to their safety, like a dog barking or feeling they could be abandoned, or a need such as hunger, boredom or pain (babies don't know that sensations like hunger or boredom aren't life threatening!).
What happens in response to this perceived threat or need is that the baby's brain is flooded with cortisol (and other stress hormones), so they cry (or if they can walk or crawl, seek out their caregiver) to get their need met. If their primary caregiver responds to this distress signal in a nurturing way, that is, by meeting the need and soothing the baby, the levels of stress hormone reduces. The baby also gets a 'hit' of oxytocin, which makes them feel secure and safe. This process of nurturing from the caregiver then 'deactivates' the attachment system.
The baby's main task, therefore, is to keep their cortisol levels low, and their oxytocin levels high...
This process is also thought to play a big part in the development of healthy emotional regulation (read part one of this post for more info).
I hope that this is making sense!
Attachment styles
Mary Ainsworth, a student of Bowlby, then began studying parent-child interactions and made an important observation: the ways in which children behave when their attachment system is activated varies a lot. She thought that this was probably due to differing parenting styles, that is, the way in which the parent reacts when their baby's attachment system is activated (which, interestingly, is sometimes related to the parent's own attachment style- I find this fascinating and may write about it at a later date...). For example, the parent may react with a nurturing response, a harsh or critical response, reject the need altogether, etc.
Infants are really good at adapting, so they quickly learn behaviours that will maximise their chances of getting their needs met (and that all important hit of oxytocin). These behaviours are called 'attachment behaviours', or 'strategies'.
Ainsworth developed a technique for observing these attachment behaviours called 'The Strange Situation'- you might have read about this already, but a good overview of the procedure can be found here. From observing lots of parents and their babies in the Strange Situation, she classified children with similar attachment behaviours to each other into 'Attachment Styles'. There are four infant attachment styles: Secure, Insecure-Avoidant, Insecure-Ambivalent and Disorganised. I hate putting people into 'boxes'- people are so much more complex than this. I do think it's helpful to understand the attachment styles, but please remember that we can't be defined by this as people!
Secure
This attachment style usually occurs when the parent responds in a caring and nurturing way when their baby expresses a need most of the time (life isn't that easy and don't put too much pressure on yourself!). The baby is also able to express emotions like anger and sadness without fear of rejection. Through getting this response, they learn that the world is a safe place, that they can trust others, and that they are worthy and important people.
The predictability of this response helps the baby to feel secure and they will often learn to self-soothe more effectively- win-win!
Note: Responding to a baby when they cry will not make them spoiled and clingy! Just thought I'd get that one on there, Gina Ford!
A baby with this attachment style will cry when separated from their primary caregiver (i.e. attachment system activated), but they will be easily soothed by their caregiver when reunited with them (i.e. attachment system deactivated).
Insecure-Avoidant
This attachment style often emerges when the child expresses a need, and this need is rejected by the caregiver most of the time- remember, this has to be a consistent response for this style to develop. Babies are really good at communicating their needs, and promoting security is about being 'tuned-in' to when they are communicating these needs, as opposed to when it suits us (again, parenting isn't easy and it's almost certain that we'll get it wrong sometimes!).
These babies learn to 'push down' their emotions in order to stay close to their caregiver, thus avoiding rejection. They may feel that they can't express strong emotions and become very self-reliant. There are, however, similarities between a person who is self-reliant for this reason and a person who is self-reliant because they feel secure- it's about looking at the bigger picture. This attachment style is also linked to low self-esteem.
In the strange situation, these children did not react very much when their caregiver left the room, and when the caregiver returned, they often seemed quiet and sullen.
Insecure-Ambivalent
This style is like the opposite of Insecure-Avoidant and often arises out of inconsistency- the caregiver is sometimes tuned-in, but at other times unavailable. The child doesn't know which reaction they're going to get, so 'maximises' their attachment behaviour to keep the caregiver close- often observed as extremely 'clingy' behaviour. In a secure attachment, being reunited with their parent raises their oxytocin levels and so reduces stress. In the Insecure-Ambivalent attachment style, they often don't get get that hit of oxytocin and so might not settle as easily and the baby might remain feeling anxious, even when their need is met. Babies do go through phases of being difficult to settle even when secure, though- this doesn't necessarily mean that they fit into this attachment style!
Disorganised
This attachment style is one that I won't talk much about, but is extremely worrying. It develops when the child is frightened of their primary caregiver- this leads to a very tricky dilemma which is difficult for a developing brain to handle. This often causes the child to act in very unpredictable ways in order to survive- I imagine it being like running from side-to-side to dodge a bullet. I may write about his more later on.
So, to summarise- promoting secure attachment is about being tuned-in to baby's needs and responding in a consistent, caring, timely and nurturing way. I really hope you've enjoyed reading about attachment and that I've written in a way that's easy to understand.
**I appreciate how difficult parenting can be at times, and these posts aren't intended to be guilt inducing; just informative. We do the best job that we can at the time with the information/resources available to us, and that information can be conflicting and confusing. I think that the Psychologist Winnicott put it best- it's about being 'good enough'- there's no such thing as a perfect parent!
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Thanks for reading :-)