We do not get to choose the families we are born into. Sometimes, they do not even actively choose us. We just end up together. Or perhaps they do, through intent, fostering or adoption. These are our natal or nuclear families. We are tied to them through circumstance and obligation. But this does not mean we are a good match for one another.
Many nuclear families go nuclear. As in, they explode. They destroy each other starting from the inside, be blood or oath bond. We feel attachment. We tell ourselves (or are told) the story of obligation. We are shamed into staying until the pain becomes to much to bear, the cracks hidden beneath the surface become visible and pressure blows our world apart.
Right not, I am in the not so unique situation of choosing family that is not related to me in any traditionally accepted way. My natal family has cut off access to their love and is re-enacting abusive, silencing patterns due to my choices as a parent. They want me to raise my children according to their beliefs. Because I do not, I am cast in the role of black sheep as well as scapegoat, have been insulted, verbally abused, barred physical access and even had it requested that I turn over a child to be "raised correctly."
To all of this I say NOPE.
I have the strength for "nope" because, when I look around, it is plain to me that I have a new nuclear family. I'm not referring to my partner and the children born of us. I'm talking about the friends who have showed up in myriad ways to parent, sister, brother and love me every single time a blood family member does me harm.
We get to choose our family. We get to create bonds existing beyond blood or circumstance when those options bear only toxicity. I have been choosing a different family for myself daily, reaching out to the friends with whom I can safely exchange love, be heard, listen to, and feel at home with.
Home. Isn't that what we all search for?
Think about this: who shows up for you when you most need them? That is your family. Here on Steemit, 
Pets are people too.
In my offline life, I have my dear friends Lili and April, Yulia, Becky, Dan and plenty of other sisters and brothers to my soul, including the man I choose every day to share my life with: 
I believe family is an active, dynamic choice. I believe family should raise us up. And I believe we should be chosen and work to raise those who make room for us to be family to them.
What does "family" mean to you?
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