The quote at the bottom explains the reason so well why I separated myself from much of my family of origin. I will no longer go to family functions and "act as if" nothing ever happened. I am no longer willing to pretend I am okay with my family's denial and rejection. I am no longer willing to be the scapegoat.
And the truth is if you deny, minimize or tolerate sexual abuse there is something that is not safe in your or about you. Either way, I will no longer "play let's pretend it didn't happen" with you. It has been proven that children who have been sexually abused, and even women who have been raped, that the sooner they are believed and supported the better and more complete their healing.
For those of us who told and were not supported, and/or blamed or called a liar, the damage goes deeper. We have not only been abused, we now add neglected/abandoned to the list. Which causes a feeling of unworthiness, shame and a belief that we are unlovable. Which leads to a mess of other issues, like making unhealthy choices in relationships, self harm or worse it leads to suicide.
As for me, my responsibility to my inner child is to validate her and love her unconditionally. To mother her the way I needed to be mothered but wasn't. Part of my validating her and loving her is to end relationships with people who have hurt her over and over, who deny the abuse and wants her to act as if everything is okay between us when it is not.I have had to work through false guilt over my decision to let go of certain people, my mom in particular. But the truth is I am working on my stuff and they/she can work on her own. If at some point any of them want to try to work on our relationship(s), with honesty, then I may be open to it. But I am no longer going to be the one to open the door and I am no longer willing to "act as if".
Healing requires authenticity. Which means being honest with what happened, the effects it has had and loving myself through it. I am determined to love myself the way I have always needed and haven't gotten. It am working on becoming my own safe person, my own best friend. It is a journey not an event so I am being gentle with myself when I fall short of the goal, choosing to believe I am worth it! 😍😘
“The survivor is unlikely to get support from her family in dealing with abuse that took place within the family. She may be the family scapegoat, rejected or blamed for the problems in the family. This may leave her feeling crazy, depressed, or invalidated when she has contact with her family.” Allies in Healing by Laura Davis