Often parents tend to attribute to their children qualities that they really do not possess. This phenomenon in psychology is called projection. The child may accidentally show some features characteristic of one of the parents, and... parents begin to project on him all other traits of character, which, in their opinion, he should have!
When the projection is triggered, parents begin to make more and more sure of the detected similarity. The projection is strengthened, and now they have formed an image, which the child must match. And as you know, children eventually become what their parents see them. Mom decided that her child is affectionate, and after a while it will become true. If the child is constantly called a lazy, do not be surprised that he really will become so...
The projection is quite common, but its results do not always have a good effect on the child. It is good when a positive image is projected. But it also happens that the child is undeservedly credited with negative features. For example - when relations between spouses do not go well, one of them can constantly blame the child, projecting on him the negative qualities of the second spouse.
But one of the most dangerous and common types of projection, is that the child will not live his life! Parents see in the child, as in a mirror, their negative character traits, their failures, their unrealized opportunities and even dreams...
On the negative features, many react very wrong, they do not help the child - talking and explaining to him, but they just start getting angry and annoyed. After all, this is something that they have not managed to overcome in themselves... So, they can not do this, they have not found the right way for themselves, and can not adequately help their child!
In the second variant, when parents see in the child the opportunity to realize their own dreams, there is nothing good too! With each attempt to reveal his own interests and potentials, the child will face a "stone wall"... After all, the RIGHT LIFE for him has already been chosen, there are no other options!
Children should develop as individuals. It is not necessary to ascribe to them other people's life scenarios. The task of parents is to allow the child to develop in an interesting area for him. Love your children! Listen to them and let live their own life!
Sincerely, Terry Craft.