I met up with a friend earlier to catch up as we haven't met for weeks! She told me about how a guy she had kissed cried in front of her just because he kind of sensed she was onto the flesh party and not onto his preferred emotional trade. "Who has the time?" she said as I agreed that indeed, there are just people who want to talk about their feelings and that it definitely does not include us. Are we too harsh or just really realistic? Simply emotionally unavailable or damaged and doomed to be miserable?
Here are my theories:
Bucketlist Theory
Alex, a dear best friend of mine who openly admits to being bisexual--wildly aroused by manhood and passionately attracted to femininity--once journeyed to Thailand to experience the ways of his dream Thai men. We dared him to taste at least five Thai men, and he went home with more--with a check beside orgy on his list. We have never seen him so happy and confident about himself. I internally applauded him as he spilled all his stories on our table at lunch when he finally got home.
Does he miss being in love though? Yes. Alex knows how to have fun like that, yet he is still easily touched by sentimental and nostalgic moments like when the other day, a random girl who sat next beside him on a bus fell asleep and unconsciously had her head leaning on his shoulder. He missed the feeling of having someone lean on his shoulder, completely stripped of any front strength and openly vulnerable to him. Of all the casual fun fans I know, he's the only one I know who hasn't really lost his hopeless romantic in him.
Moments like that don't touch me. It ticks me off like who has the time to share melancholy with someone? A better question, why do that?? Alex believes in that, and I respect that, but for someone to come up to me and ask me to sign up for that, it's too much. ... and there you just spotted an emotionally unavailable gal: ME
I'm one of those very determined walking bucketlists. I don't prefer to stop and take a breath of love in the air many people enjoy or crave. I love the endless honeymoon phase and prefer not to get into mid-relationship drama at all. Why bring yourself in agony when you have the choice to enjoy the good parts, right? I am also not ashamed to admit I am emotionally unavailable, for I am invested in my career goals yet at the same time, I don't want to deprive myself of good ol' pleasure. A bucketlist is a collection of awesome memories yet to be experienced not of stressful things to participate in.
Repression, Aggression
My friend Alex is a balanced type while I'm 5-10% available for the other option opposite my current choices, yet it still doesn't mean much. I remain selfish or simply wise. I started out as a represor myself and shortly a minute after that was converted into a trace-less-once-not-like-this emotionally unavailable gal. This defense mechanism, based on Freud's theory isn't repression anymore in my case but aggression rather--for I inflict the unavailability to others to prevent myself from those drama troubles. I am not afraid to admit that, because I really fear a hell of a drama explosion, thus I need to protect myself from that.
Cynicism: Truth
The world is cynical, and it's never going to magically turn into something fairy tale-like. People are out to go for their self-interests that relationships like the intimate ones do not always get the attention it unrealistically requires from both parties. It requires emotional involvement that is perfectly open and honest as if honesty alone weren't enough effort for some. Now answer me, who has the time to invest a lot including the draining emotions in something not even approximately 50% possible anymore?
