I have heard people say that they love their dog, their kids, their partner, this or that food. They love going to dinner in a fancy restaurant, they love their favorite music artist, their brand new pair of jeans, the smell of rain, kissing and chocolate. People love a lot of things, at least they say they do, but do they really? Do YOU really?
WHERE DID WE LEARN ABOUT LOVE?
Who taught us how to love? Noone. We kind of figured it out on ourselves by observing others and reading about it. Noone knows how we feel so nobody can tell us if we do actually love the right or the wrong way or love at all. We do not have an "emotion bar" on our foreheads that turns green or red if something happens in our heart and mind. How do we know that someone loves us or that we love someone? By seeing others acting like they love us and by acting like we love them. What does that behavior include? Hugs, kisses, support, comfort, sex... Which is it? Is it all of it? How do you know that someone loves you? Have you ever thought about it? Which behavior would you associate with a loving one?
DON'T TRUST THE MOVIES AND DON'T TRUST THE BOOKS
I am a passionate reader, always have been. Ever since I learned how to read, my nose has been in books. I have read about different adventures and about different love stories. All of them seemed fake to me. ALL of them. From old Russian authors to modern Twilight saga, fake. All of those stories, wheater they are in books or in the movies, had something superficial about them and they always made me ask the question "Are they crazy, or am I?"
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We were basically taught that when someone loves us that means he or she belongs to us, and when we love someone that means we belong to them. If I love a person, that person is my possession. He or she has to be mine in every way, and if they fail at being ours we stop loving them. What if I don't see myself as someone's possession? Am I a weirdo?
CONDITIONAL LOVE
If a person loves me, he will kiss only me, he will sleep only with me, he will go out only with me, HE IS MINE. I have to be the most important person in his life, I have to be his life and everything about him has to revolve around me. It works in the other direction too. I have to kiss, sleep, go out only with him, I AM HIS.
As long as the person follows my rules, I will love him. If he looks like I want him to look, if he behaves the way I want him to behave, cooks like I want him to cook, walk, talk and act like I approve, I will love him. If he changes, I will stop loving him.
Those are all conditions and by applying them, we are loving conditionally. We all have conditions. Some of us demand the person to be faithful and some that the person has the same taste like us in almost everything, but there are always conditions, even asking a person not to sleep with others is, in fact, a condition.
WE ALL WANT TO BE SPECIAL
Do you know why you get jealous? Because you want to be special, the only one in his or her life for this or that. We can't stand the fact that the person we love could love someone more than us, it scares us to even think that he or she will leave us for someone else. We want to be in the center of their attention, have them all to ourselves. Where does that need come from? Where did we learn that loving someone means having them as our property? Well... I have my thoughts about that, but I don't want to step on too many toes. Let's stay on books and movies and I will let you explore this question deeper for yourself. Try to find the answer when, where and with what did it all start with.
Let me leave you with another question here. Why do you want to be special and the only one? What do you gain or benefit from it? Look deep, deep inside and think hard. Why? If the answer you come up with is " because otherwise, I would be sad/disappointed/not worthy enough..." then repeat the question WHY. Why would you feel that way? After answering that one, ask the WHY again, and then again. Try to go deep into your mind and your way of thinking.
WHAT IS LOVE, ACTUALLY?
I can not answer this question and say that the answer will be the absolute truth. Everything I have written in this post so far is meant to be here to intrigue you and to make you think, make you ask questions. Nothing here should be taken as a statement of fact or truth, only as questions, something to wonder about. You will answer those questions for yourself. You will all have different answers and that is perfectly fine as long as you are fine with it, as long as you are happy with your answers, regardless of the possible difference from those other people have.
For me? Love is freedom. Freedom and appreciation. Love is letting someone be who they are and supporting them in becoming even more, more of what they want. Freedom. There is a wonderful quote I would like to share with you, so here it goes...
“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession.
Love is about appreciation.” by OSHO
When a person I love is happy, I am happy, even if that does not include me. That person's happiness becomes my happiness.
The only thing you have to keep in mind here is that unconditional love doesn't mean you have to unconditionally accept bad behavior! Your love for yourself always has to be there, find your hidden power inside and never let yourself be abused in any way, physically or mentally! You can still love someone and not be a part of their life. You HAVE TO be HAPPY! If you are not happy, leave. You can love from a safe distance. Always put yourself and your safety and happiness first.
I am looking forward to your lovely comments on this one. Stay happy my lovely people, love yourself and love each other. Oh, and stay tuned for the happiness contest that will start soon.
My posts are always here to ask questions, not to answer them... Don't take anything for granted and nothing as an absolute truth in blind faith. Not even me. Especially not me...
Sending you all some love...