I suffer from PTSD and one of my huge curses is sleep, at times I am insomniac... at other times I sleep a few hours daily ... people tell me that I just need to have a routine with sleeping ... more or less that with time I will get used to regular sleep ... I am now 43 years old and I have tried every trick in the book of insomniacs ... the only thing I can say is none of it worked for me ... Now I would like to ask a few open questions to the people who thinks that you can just go to sleep easy peasy ...
- have you ever suffered severe trauma ?
- do you have any idea of livid dreaming state ?
- what the fuck makes you a sleep expert ...since you didnt have issues to begin with ?
I have suffered severe trauma and had things happen to me in my life that noone can relate to ,,, yes I appear normal... that act takes 60 % of my capacity for human interaction ... for me when I go to bed that it is when the nightmares begin.... so yes I prefer a semi sleep at times where I can hear that others are awake ! I have so far had 3 social workers that were supposed to help me move on ...each of them want to hear my story... I dont like telling as it drains me .... they all effing cry ... how is that gonna help me ??? My problems are not something I can turn off and on ... they are there ...my nightmares are embedded in my mind even the ones I am unaware of when I am awake .... people tell me go get a job, meet new people...interact ... How when I am paralyzed socially and I have difficulty leaving my flat ....If you read this PLEASE next time you tell a friend with issues what to do ...Please think twice ...you have no idea of the demons that they are facing when they go to sleep ...
I go to sleep...I wake up in a frenzy feeling like I am drowning , and held captive ... I scream but there is no sound ... I try to move but I cant ... I try to escape and I think I might be close... I "wake up" only to realize I never moved one inch and in reality I am still asleep and it just starts over and over until I wake up and stop trying to sleep ... Fuck Camomille tea and whatever other remedies you have on your list ... the only thing that ever worked for me to sleep and relax was my dog ...he made me feel safe... but he is dead now ... so I am no longer safe to sleep ... and everyone tells me just go sleep but they have no idea of the nightmares that await in the sleeping hours ...they cannot even imagine it ... even if they actually know what I went through ...
I hope this reaches others with the same issues so at least you know that you are not alone !
