So, there is this thing going on that nobody is talking about. (/s) Where NFL player take a knee before the Anthem. According to some to protest inequality and … “start a discussion”.
At first I was a bit triggered, by the flag and anthem thing, but I was willing to push past it and try to get involved in the conversation.
Yet, if we want to talk about racism and equity we have to talk about the whole issue. There are reasons it is difficult to have the discussion.
Small Town White Woman starts to try to talk about it…
Me: … black person… Interrupted
Other person: “I am a person not a color”...
Me: ugh, gosh I am sorry.. African American.
Yet another person: Person - I am not from Africa, do you call yourself a German American?
Me: Ugh, I am sorry… (sweaty now, still trying).. Eh.. Person of Color?
Other Person: What the fuck Barbie?
Me: Uhhh…
Other person: why you gotta label everyone anyway..
Me: I thought we were talking about racism…
Other person to his friends: You believe this shit? (somewhere in there he throws around the N word)
Me: I’m out of this discussion, why don’t you talk about it.
(disclaimer, this was actually 3 different conversations, but this was an easy way to show the issue)
Yikes.. This is no place for a calm discussion and working out issues.
However, you made me think about it, so now I want to talk about it..
I resent having to have the conversation so often. Yes, I know those who experience the prejudice resent having to deal with it also. Just being honest it might be unfair, but it is true.
I am letting the resentment go, many have asked that we talk about it. I also have to choose my terms carefully, because if I say something a bit off instead of asking for clarification or attempting to enlighten me to where you disagree you will label me a racist or say that I just don't understand because I am not black so you are invalidating my entire position ad-hominem. If I slip up badly enough, it could go viral on the Internet and my entire personal life and job and all that I hold dear is on the line.
It is insufficient to acknowledge the issues, and I do acknowledge there is racism and prejudice, I acknowledge a disparity in the justice system from officers to the courts and jails... and in too many other places to list. Yes, people have died due to both fear and hatred. Yet when I ask what I can do... The answer is we just want to open a discussion. But.. Do you?
The manner in which we are having the conversation is terrible. Why hate a racist? Why attack what is precious to him? Why just try to silence them? Why not say, where did you get that point of view, or why do you think that? The call to action I hear is "call it out". The reaction to someone being less than perfectly sensitive often is ridicule and anger. I don't understand how that helps. How about talking it out? We are all fed negative propaganda about minorities all of the time through TV. Movies, Media and even this discussion. If a person hasn't had any positive personal experiences and they are learning about black people via culture what do you think they see and hear? Why is it so surprising and hateable that they get the wrong impression? Why answer that problem with disgust and an attempt to silence? Silencing someone does not change their view. What happens when they are silenced and not changed? They freak out in a pullover situation and kill a black person; due to fear or even hatred. Or they don't hire minorities, don't promote, don't lift up, don’t give the benefit of the doubt. Silencing it isn't enough change is what is needed and isn't easy and it also takes time.
There are real prejudices I struggle with. I can't control how other people think. So, it feels like you are holding me accountable for someone else's bad behavior. (which is exactly how blacks feel judged by whites) I'm told listening to people fling N word around is environmental, if it is - so is.. As a product of my own environment, I don't understand what you are saying, and I don't know the rules, so this is not a conversation I enjoy. I don’t hate you for it, but I don’t want to hear it. I am disliking your behavior though, not your race. I acknowledge some will call this racism. Sometimes the issues we talk about are related to poverty, environment and a lack of education or a personal choice and is not about race.. So, it can get quite confusing, is this environment, poverty or racism.. ? Often I am not sure.
We tend to talk about racism by lumping people together which is exactly what we are fighting against. I don't want to be lumped in with all women, or all whites, or all.. I get you don't want to be lumped in either. Yet, I have caught myself making generalizations. I am a work in progress. If you wish to talk about it with me, understand I am not trying to be offensive and I am willing to hear what you were saying and consider it.
To me saying I have black friends matters. What I am trying to say is I know black people that I truly love and like. I know I care about them and love them and want them to do well and I treat them the same as I treat my other friends. How is that possible if I dislike people strictly on their race? I don’t claim to understand all issues that black people have I just said.. Hey, I know for a fact I like black people. Why do you discount this or call me a liar?
You can ask me to not prejudge, and I am doing my best to find the areas where I do and challenge them. If you want to talk about it, you have to free me to be able to talk about it without attacking me. How can I get your feedback about my point of view, if I am afraid to say it and get your input? I am willing to be challenged, but.. If I try to talk about it and you just decide I am a shitty person and hate on me, how did we move the conversation forward. So, let’s not talk about the flag and the anthem and how much money people make. Let’s really talk about it, but we both have to be free to speak and free to be wrong and free to adjust our opinions.
Yes, I know this was awkward and uncomfortable and broke many rules. I am willing to talk about it and maybe really awkwardly, but it is a start, because I KNOW I have ZERO intent to harm anyone or hold anyone down based on their race. I may not be perfectly PC, but I know my heart.